Is it possible for your heart to break and melt at the same time?
If you've ever been in the presence of a 3-year old you know that they have a tendency to say some of the cutest, off-the wall things from time to time. "Where did they hear THAT one," we ask ourselves. My Sweetie and I get such a kick out of the things our kids say that we like to pick out "quotes of the day."
This morning after we had woke up, My Little Guy jumped on my back as we headed upstairs to wake up My Big Guy for school. Then he said it. It's sure to be the quote of the day, "I want to be a big brother like my brother! I want a baby." Like I said, those sweet words made my heart melt but I also felt it break a little.
I know what next month means. I'm very aware of the dreaded anniversary that is fast approaching. It's not one that I'm looking forward to. Mid-April will be 2-years since My Sweetie and I have been TRYING for a third child.
My problem is that I don't ovulate. However, we aren't sure WHY I don't ovulate. I've been to the doctor for tests; they haven't found anything yet. I've been on several rounds of Clomid and have still failed to ovulate. It takes almost 2 months between each cycle because before I can start another dose of Clomid, I have to take a 10-day dose of Provera to force a period. Most women have 12 chances a year to conceive....I've had one chance in the past 13 months. So am I really "TRYING"?? It seems more like I've been WAITING to try!
I hadn't done any meds. since November and decided to give it a try again. I took the Provera and will take my last dose of the Clomid tonight. I'm also on Estradiol right now. SO, we will see if I get a chance to TRY sometime next week....hopefully My Sweetie won't be out of town!
IVF is not an option for me. I have already been blessed with two boys and I don't think I need to push my luck too much. There is other technology that is somewhat more aggressive than Clomid but not as aggressive as IVF.
I have prayed many times for either patient or peace. Maybe we will continue with the happiness we have as a family of four; maybe we're being called to reach out to other children and adopt; maybe God is just waiting for the right time.