Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Is it possible for your heart to break and melt at the same time?

If you've ever been in the presence of a 3-year old you know that they have a tendency to say some of the cutest, off-the wall things from time to time. "Where did they hear THAT one," we ask ourselves. My Sweetie and I get such a kick out of the things our kids say that we like to pick out "quotes of the day."

This morning after we had woke up, My Little Guy jumped on my back as we headed upstairs to wake up My Big Guy for school. Then he said it. It's sure to be the quote of the day, "I want to be a big brother like my brother! I want a baby." Like I said, those sweet words made my heart melt but I also felt it break a little.

I know what next month means. I'm very aware of the dreaded anniversary that is fast approaching. It's not one that I'm looking forward to. Mid-April will be 2-years since My Sweetie and I have been TRYING for a third child.

My problem is that I don't ovulate. However, we aren't sure WHY I don't ovulate. I've been to the doctor for tests; they haven't found anything yet. I've been on several rounds of Clomid and have still failed to ovulate. It takes almost 2 months between each cycle because before I can start another dose of Clomid, I have to take a 10-day dose of Provera to force a period. Most women have 12 chances a year to conceive....I've had one chance in the past 13 months. So am I really "TRYING"?? It seems more like I've been WAITING to try!

I hadn't done any meds. since November and decided to give it a try again. I took the Provera and will take my last dose of the Clomid tonight. I'm also on Estradiol right now. SO, we will see if I get a chance to TRY sometime next week....hopefully My Sweetie won't be out of town!

IVF is not an option for me. I have already been blessed with two boys and I don't think I need to push my luck too much. There is other technology that is somewhat more aggressive than Clomid but not as aggressive as IVF.

I have prayed many times for either patient or peace. Maybe we will continue with the happiness we have as a family of four; maybe we're being called to reach out to other children and adopt; maybe God is just waiting for the right time.


Anonymous said...

Sniff....Wanted to let you know I am crying a bit right now.

I love you, Bec and will always wish you the very best!!!


dawn said...

That's so cute! But I'm sorry you're struggling with getting pregnant. Have you read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility?" I highly recommend it. It helped us a lot!

And you're still sooooo young! You have time. Try not to worry. One of my close friends tried for 5 years to conceive. Her doctor finally told her that her endometriosis was too bad and she'd never conceive one her own. She was told that IVF was her only option. They tried three rounds, got pregnant one of those times, and miscarried. Finally, the doctors told her that she couldn't have a baby and if she wanted kids she'd have to adopt. Six months into the adoption process, my friend found out she was pregnant. They thought it was a fluke. Right after their little girl turned one, they found out they were pregnant with #2. He is due in July.

Almost the same story happened with my brother-in-law and his wife. They had a little girl through artificial insemination, tried that again and lost the baby and were told they needed IVF to get pregnant again. They gave up, did not try IVF and have had two more "miracles" without trying.

Don't give up and believe that miracles do happen!

Hugs to you!