Monday, August 28, 2006

My 'Wittle Peanut

I didn't even realize that I hadn't posted about my ultra sound yet! I haven't even been on the computer since Friday night which is good I suppose. Friday and Saturday were pretty decent days in terms of the wozzies and the sleepies. And then I made up for it on Sunday! Today isn't looking so great either.

So, we went in and had our ultra sound on Friday morning. There was one little sack with one little heart beat! It is just so cool that something that is a whole whopping 3 mm long can have a heartbeat of 111 beats per minute. **Falling in love with my 'wittle peanut already**

My hubby was SOOOO relieved to see just one. If it had been twins it would have been a little scary but I know we would have handled it. I wasn't sure if I could physically nurse two babies. But now I know with one there will be no problem.

The u/s tech was moving the wand thing around and asked if I'd been nauseous at all. I replied YES! She had found a cyst that is related to pregnancy that causes that. Then she went to the other side and found a second one! UGH! I told hubby that he can't make fun of me any more because there is now documented medical evidence for my woozies! LOL!

We still haven't told anyone else. I think we'll tell the rest of the family at our sons bday party on Sept. 16th. We will still be in the first trimester but nearing the end within a few weeks. After that maybe we can start to let some of our other friends know and come the end of the first tri we'll share the news with our church family.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Turning into a Blogger PRO!

LOOKIE!!! LOOKIE!!! Look what I did today! I added links to all of the blogs that I read!!! I'm so excited!! I'm just like the "cool kids" now!! It took a few tries to figure it out but I DID IT!!!!!! WOO-HOO!!!!

Having a proud moment!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Small Victories

Despite the woozies, the sleepies and the crabbies I am just so blessed to finally be pregnant. Since we began this journey over 2 years ago I have learned a lot. I'm a different person; a different wife; a different mom. I know that God intended us to have this struggle so I could be where I am now in my life before He blessed us with another child. This process has given me a greater appreciation for the female body and how it works, for conception and for the gift of life; It has given me patient; It has taught me the importance of celebrating even the small victories in life.

Today started off as slow as it has been the past several days. But once I got showered and my Hubby laid some pretty awesome kisses on me before heading out today I had a burst of energy. I was able to dust and clean the glass and do a detail vacuum job in my living/dining area. I was able to tidy up the bathroom and wash several blankets all before L got off the bus at noon. By the time I got him lunch and he was playing with his toys I was feeling a little tired so I laid on the couch and watched some TV. I got yet another burst of energy and was able to tidy up the kitchen and put laundry away. YAY for small victories!!!! I hope that I'm able to continue to maintain my home and provide for my family during this first trimester despite the woozies and sleepies and crabbies. Thankfully my hubby is WONDERFUL and willing to help me in anyway I need him to.

The one thing that has changed the most over the past two years is that I have gained a greater, deeper appreciation for my children. I realize now more than ever what miracles they BOTH are and how lucky I am to be their mom.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Mommy the Grouch!

I've felt so grouchy lately! At my husband at my kids. I just haven't felt like a very nice person. I can usually bite my tongue on a lot of things because i just don't want to be that way. But today when I went into the kitchen to find a tub of melted ice cream with ANTS EVERYWHERE I lost it! Then I realized how I sounded and had been sounding the past couple of days. I've been consciously trying to prevent myself from throwing up and passing out from exhaustion that I sort of forgot about my manners along the way. OOPS!!

Our last blood test we had showed that everything was progressing the way it should be with this pregnancy. My HCG level had been 460 the first day and four days later it was 2,146!!!! It's suppose to double every 72 hours....I'm such an overachiever!
We have our first ultra sound on FRIDAY!!!!!! I'm very anxious to see the heartbeat. I'm anxious to see how MANY heartbeats there are. One would be a blessing....two would be a double blessing. Three I might freak out a little. I'm worried about how I'll feel if I only see one heartbeat. I've been preparing myself for the possibility of twins that I'm worried I'll be disappointed if there's just one. As long as there is a healthy heartbeat that I can see I will be celebrating!

It has been so hard not to be able to share this news with all of the people who know what we've been going through. All of the people who have been hoping and praying for this for us as much as we have. I've had several people ask how things are going and I've just replied "GOOD!" and tried to not say anything more than that. Hubby says maybe in another 6 weeks we can tell people. I think he's CRAZY if he thinks I can wait another 6 weeks! Maybe we can split the difference and wait another 3 weeks.

BuhBuh is home from school today. He threw up this morning right after drinking a big glass of milk. He was so devastated about having to miss school. I tried to explain to him that we can't go to school when we are sick. He said, "but it's all gone now." Poor guy! He's been fine ever since. Has gobbled down 3 pieces of toast and some applesauce. Might go ahead and let him eat regular food for dinner.

Friday, August 18, 2006

First Day of School

My oldest went back on Wednesday. He said he liked his teacher; said he was funny. Today is his first FULL day of school. I can't believe he's in the 4th grade this year! Amazing! We're really trying to encourage straight A's on his report card. Not because we put a huge value on grades, but because we KNOW he is capable!

Today I put my 3 year old on the bus. **GASP** Our elementary school has a PreK program that he will be attending 5 days a week for the morning. I wasn't going to put him on the bus but it really wasn't for any other reason than my own mommy issues. I figured it would be good for him to know how to ride the bus because they take field trips every month and who knows what things will be like towards the end of the school year. He did great! I cried! He seemed to of had a good first day. He told me he wants to go back.

The house sure was quiet this morning. I cleaned the bathroom floor, did some laundry and prepared my Sunday School lesson. I think once I get use to having my mornings to myself I'll be amazed at how fast it goes before he's already home! It will give me a great opportunity to catch up as much as I can on my scrapbooking before baby comes in April. And maybe I can get this house nice and organized! Lord knows with more than 2 children I'm going to NEED it!

Next week is a full week of full days. Surely we'll be getting into the swing of things with our schedules and routines.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Which Way to Heaven?

Do you ever think about death and where we go after we die? I absolutely believe in Heaven. I use to think that everyone went to heaven. But the bible does say that Heaven is only for those who have accepted Jesus as their savior and believe that he died for our sins and rose from the dead. In a perfect world and because God loves all of us so much, I wish everyone were able to go to Heaven; if somehow, someway, Jesus himself were able to rescue those who may have otherwise fallen short either a little or a lot and bring them home. But no one really knows this for sure. What we do know is what the bible tells us.

John 3:16 says it all really: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son so that whoever believed in him would not perish but have eternal life" I also like John 14:6 which says: "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

I think these two passages really sum up the reality of how to get to Heaven. It makes me sad when I think about all of the people who don't feel this way. Especially when it's the people I love.

My husband's faith has grown a lot since our Walk to Emmaus this past March. But I still wonder about what he feels and believes exactly.

One day I asked him, "Will I see you in Heaven?"

"You bet," he answered. "But I don't think you go to Heaven as a couple, I think you go up there as individuals."

His answered made me feel a little better. I told him that was ok with me. As long as I knew that I'd see his smile.

As we were sitting through a funeral service for my husbands uncle yesterday I listened to all of this beautiful scripture in regards to Heaven. I wondered if his uncle was a believer; wondered if his uncle was in Heaven, stuff like that. Then I began to wonder about the others sitting in that room and what they believed. As I sat there relishing in the words from the Bible and drew a strength and a peace from it, I wondered how much of the Word was being soaked up by others.

As we were driving to the cemetery my husband said "With all of those nice things (scripture) being said, I wonder how much of it fell upon deaf ears."

I told him that I had been thinking the same sort of thing.

"That's ok," he said, "They still have time."

Now this REALLY warmed my heart when he said this and cleared away even more of the fuzziness that I had in regards to his faith.

As much as I would love to take all of those I love by the hand and lead them to a relationship with Christ I know that's not the way. The way is to pray for them, to show them Christ's love through my life, and be there loving them regardless all of the days of their lives. Maybe I'll touch a heart or two along the way.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Still Sinking In

On Thursday My Sweetie wanted me to take another test. Yep! It was STILL positive. So, I called my RE's office and they wanted me to come in for some bloodwork to check my progestrone and HCG levels.

The nurse had called back before I even got home and she was very enthusiastic. I called her back and she said that she was hoping for a progestrone level higher than 12. Mine was 40! She was hoping for a HCG level of at least 100. Mine was 460!! I go back again on Monday and the progestrone number needs to have continued to climb and the HCG needs to have at least doubled. Then she said we'd schedule a ultra sound appt. to see if we can find a heartbeat. I asked her if that's when we'll know how many heartbeats there are and she said yes. She reminded me that I did have 2 mature follicles and that my levels WERE pretty high. So, I'm thinking my chances for more than one are looking pretty good. I could handle two. I would panic if there were three. I don't even want to THINK about there being more than that.

My Sweetie is VERY leary on telling anyone anything at this point. Mostly because it is SO early and you just don't know what could happen. So we are being cautious. We did tell the parents just because they knew the treatments we had been going through. I left them two balloons and this...

My mom called to congratulate me on Thursday. But when she called my MIL was here and she hadn't been home to find her surprise yet. So I told my mom I'd call her back later. Then I realized that I hadn't told her that we weren't telling anyone else yet. So I snuck in a quick phone call to tell her to keep it quiet for the time being since it was so early.

"Oops! I just told your brother!"

"UGH! Ok, don't tell anyone else."

When my MIL left I called my mom back again and filled her in on my blood work and what was next. Then I told her to not be surprised if it was twins.

"WHAT does THAT mean!?!?!"


"Gotta go mom. That's my other line and it's probably my MIL."


It was my MIL and as soon as she said hello I laughed!!! It was just so funny that we'd spent the past hour canning pickles together and she didn't know!!

Our best friends know too. Sadly she had to read my blog to find out. Which is not the way I wanted to tell her but I needed the parents to know first and we were just very leary on telling too many people because of how early it is. I think she understood and still loves me!

I'm not sure how much it has sunk in yet. I still don't really feel pregnant. I feel a little bloated but that's about it. I think after I hear how my numbers are on Monday and we see the heartbeat(s) I will start to feel better about this. It just still seems like a dream I supppose. Something I've been wanting and working to acheive for so long might actually finally be ours!

My Sweetie patted my tummy today and said, "Hello princesses"

It was cute. It made me smile.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The Truth has been Revealed

Wednesday afternoon My Sweetie came home with taco bell in one hand and a 3 pack of home pregnancy tests in the other. WOO-HOO for taco bell!!!

A short while after he was home we were in our room just snuggling and chatting.

"Why don't you go take a test now," he asked.

"NO!!! I am NOT taking a test now," I reply

He tries to coax me into it a little more. I explain to him that I really don't want to have to face the disappoint of a negative result. Especially since I just DON'T FEEL pregnant.

He gets up and I hear him calling my name from the bathroom.

I try to hide under the blankets. He continues to call my name.

Reluctantly, I go to him. He's sitting on the kids step stool opening the package of tests.

"Here, just take one real quick."

I BURST into tears.

"I don't want to!! I'm scared!!" I cry.

"Ok, Ok, if you really don't want to then I won't make you."

I take the test from him and take it with him sitting right there. Before it starts to do anything I put the cap on and hand it over to him. I can't bear to watch! I'm still crying.

I sit there trying to read his face. Surely I'll be able to tell by the way he reacts.

He hands me the test.

My tears of fear quickly turn into tears of JOY!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Less than 24 hours

I woke up this morning thinking, "Tomorrow I'll test"

I'm scared to death! Scared of being crushed; scared of being disappointed; scared of not being able to function enough to take care of my family. So much in fact I almost DON'T want to test. I have pickles to can tomorrow....I can't get a negative and be sad about it!!!

Today I woke up and felt a little crampy. I feared AF might be on her way. I have THREE ZITS on my face. I NEVER break out only around AF time. Not the crampy feeling has turned into more of an overall achy feeling. Stress? Nerves? Who knows.

Last night I had ANOTHER dream. I took a test and the darn lines kept appearing and disappearing and I couldn't figure out whether or not I was actually pregnant or not!!! I kept asking My Sweetie, "do you see anything? what do YOU think?"

Yesterday when I was having my little "freak out" moment I found comfort and peace to get me through the day in my bible. Maybe I need to go do some more reading today!!! I haven't done my devotions yet.....maybe that will help.

I'm hoping to go down my "to do" list for the week and cross some things off. I've been so consumed with my "what if's" and "maybe's" that I've neglected the things that I should have been doing this week FOR OTHERS!!!!! Feeling very selfish!!!

L spent the night with his Gma last night and we took M out for Chinese and a movie last night. We both slept in until 8:30 this morning!!! It's a cloudy, rainy, cool day. Maybe we'll break out some board games before L comes home.

Thank you all for you sweet comments, prayers and support. But mostly for making me feel like there are people out there actually reading my ramblings with an open heart.


Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Testing on Thursday

In the two years since My Sweetie and I have been TTC, this has been the LONGEST cycle. It's the first cycle in 17 months that I've actually had some sort of a chance to conceive. It's the first time I've ovulated in that time also. I am on pins and needles right now; the anxiety is killing me. Nurse said I could test Thursday!!!! When I woke up this morning I told myself...."just two more mornings and you'll know"

I always thought that I would just "know" that I was pregnant before testing. The other times I've been pregnant I sort of already knew. But is that all in retrospect now? I don't really feel like I have any symptoms. My boobs have been a little sore and on Sunday I found myself a little more emotional than usual. All could be PMS sypmtoms as well. The only other thing is that my nose is driving me crazy!!! My last pregnancy I had nose/sinus problems for the first 4 months and it started a couple weeks prior to a positive pregnancy test. I hope it's not "just a cold". It is summertime after all.

I had a dream last night that I took a test and it was positive. Then later I had another dream that I had a little hard "bump" and could see and feel a baby moving. I never remember my dreams.

A year ago I remember a conversation with My Sweetie about how it would be really great to give him a princess in the month of April so she could have the diamond as her birth stone. Obviously April came and went and still no baby but we did mark the 2 year anniversary of TTC. This whole time I've been doing treatment this cycle I never once stopped to think about what an edd (estimated due date) would be until the other day. I typed in the information into a due date calculator on baby center and it came back April 19th 2007; Birth sone: Diamond; give or take a few days of what would be our three year anniversary since we started TTC. What a sweet way to end the journey!

Monday, August 07, 2006

Menu Plan Monday

Monday: crescent Roll Hot dogs (yup! really gourmet!) mixed vegs. and grapes

Tuesday: Baked chicken drumsticks, smashed potatoes, cauliflower and cheese sauce

Wednesday: Eat dinner at Church

Thursday: Um, something with the ground turkey in my fridge

Friday: Fair food!!!!! Prob. pork chop sandwiches and/or walking tacos and birthday cake at my niece's party

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Where's My Weather Radio!!!!!

Last night I woke up to a nice rumbling of thunder. I thought, "Ah, a nice summer time thunderstorm" I had heard My Sweetie get out of bed and go outside. I figured he was making sure that water wasn't seeping into the basement.

"Hon, looks like we're going to get a bad storm," he said.

"Really, how bad?" I asked. I have a fear of REALLY bad storms.

"Well, the power has been blown out."

I instantly JUMP out of bed and head to the kitchen to get a flashlight. I feel around in the cupboard for it and find it. Turn it on and, NO LIGHT! I frantically hit the button a few more times just to make sure.

"Hon, I already have a flashlight," My Sweetie tells me.

I trudge back into the bedroom and take it. When there is a storm or any sort of an approaching storm it is part of my CONTROLLING nature to know what is going on or coming. But without any electricity I can't turn on the TV, radio or get on the computer very easily no can I?

So I go in search of my trusty weather's battery powered!! I know just where I put it. So I take the flashlight and start looking for it. I CAN'T FIND IT!!!

Naturally now, I have to pee. Partly because of nerves, partly because I've gotten out of bed. I put a hold on my search and trudge off with flashlight in hand to the bathroom. When I'm done I head back to the bedroom.


I scream....It's My Sweetie. He was watching the storm and apparently thought it would be funny to scare me in the middle of the night during a thunderstorm with no electricity!

I resume my search.

My Sweetie tells me to come to bed. He makes some comment on how the storm will be over by the time I find my weather radio.

I continue to search. I search everywhere where I think it should've/could've been and can't find it. I'm pulling all sorts of stuff out of the closet looking for it. I begin to freak out a little more because my one source of information is MISSING!! I can feel a slight panic attack coming on.

Finally, I give up and get back into bed. I prop up the pillows so that I am sitting and have the flashlight in hand and don't remove my glasses. Because it's very important to be able to see in a blackout!

I want to bring the kids downstairs so they'll be "safe". My Sweetie says no. Thoughts of racing upstairs to rescue them if the storm sirens go off run through my head.

Then I get back up and head back to the closet and dig around some more. EUREKA!!!! Mission accomplished!!!

I get it all tuned in and listen to the entire weather forecast. They don't say anything about the storm other than it's raining. They said there were 45 mph winds....explains the power outage.

I turn off the radio and set it for alarm. If something bad happens the alarm will go off and I'll know what to do.

"I want to bring my babies downstairs," I tell My Sweetie.

"They're sleeping. They're fine," he tells me.

That doesn't make me feel any better. What would make me feel better would be if my babies were downstairs SAFE! I get back into bed. I was trying so hard to remember Joy's Husband Blessings and to "hold my tongue when something is done differently than I want," and "When I am hurt by words, I will first look to the Lord, instead of my emotions"

Oh yeah!!! GOD!!!! Darn it! Here I was falling back into my old ways of wanting to CONTROL everything I didn't turn to God. So I prayed a little. I began to feel better. Then the wind picked up and I panicked again and said to my self I was just going to go up there and get them myself!!!

I jump up out of bed on a mission.

"Where are you going," My Sweetie asked.

"To get my babies!" I declared.

"They are fine, get back into bed."

Now it was either Joy or God talking to me....."listen to him." Like My Sweetie's really going to let anything bad happen to us? Never.

So I got back into bed and prayed some more. I began to feel better. The storm began to settle. I began to drift off to sleep. When I was sure the storm was finally past us I fixed my pillows, took off my glasses and settled down to sleep. Keeping the flashlight handy of course just in case one of the kids came down to use the bathroom or get a drink of water in the middle of the night.

The power was back on before we L woke up at 6:45 a.m. And it was sort of funny to see the MESS I made of my closet in search of my weather radio.

It sure was tough to get up this morning!!! I was sleepy!! Must not have had a very good nights sleep. LOL!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Warm Fuzzies

How much do we LOVE nice comments on or about our blog. I don't think I've ever had a bad comment but today I had one from Andrew who left a first time comment on my blog. To be honest, at first I was a little freaked out about a MAN reading my blog (sorry Andrew!!! I shouldn't JUDGE!! I feel blessed that you found me!) but he just left the nicest comment on my blog it just gave me a "warm fuzzie" for the day. So, Thank you Andrew!!! I look forward to reading YOUR BLOG now too!!

Ironically, in my email box today was a message fro Pajama Mama titled "The Blogging Good Blogger Days" She has given us all a mission for the next few days. It's really easy actually. Just go and visit the blogs you normally visit, maybe click around and visit some new ones and leave a nice comment. Something you like about their blog, about the way they write, about the way the touch you.

Post a similar message in YOUR blog to either mine or Pajama Mama (she said you can copy and paste hers if you give her credit!) and then you'll be able to sit back and enjoy all of the warm fuzzies in your mail box. I would think leaving warm fuzzies in others boxes should make you feel really good to!!

So go, be nice and feel good!!