Wednesday, March 08, 2006

"I will NOT be like my MOTHER!"

How many of us have said this before?
"I will NOT be like my MOTHER!!"

I said it. And boy did I mean it! My plans were simple. I was NOT going to get pregnant out of wedlock like my mother. I was going to get my college degree, unlike my parents did. And unlike my mom, I was going to have a career. My mind was made up. I was NOT going to be like my mother!!!

Fast forward to a cold March Wednesday night 10 years ago. I was laying on the pull-out couch in the dark at my boyfriends house. He had made a special trip home for the night. The house was FREEZING because they turned the heat off during the week when he was away at college.

"It's positive," he tells me with a little bit of a chuckle.


I was crying partly because I was so fearful of disappointing my parents. They did not want my life to begin the way theirs did. They knew it was too tough and they wanted better for me. I wanted better for me!! I was also crushed that my dreams of being a television news reporter were never going to happen. I was scared of what my well thought out future would now hold.

We got married, moved away, had a beautiful baby boy who I stayed home with while my husband finished college. However my mind was already made up! I was NOT going to be like my mom!! When he was done it was going to be MY turn!!

I made sure that I got my way. Let me tell you, I had it all!! I had my college degree, my dream career, and husband a child a house.

Well, when you have too many things on your plate at once, something is going to get pushed off. That something sadly was my husband and my son.

On my sons 5th birthday I found myself sick with the flu. My parents had been trying to get hold of me all day to no avail because I was in the bathroom. When they finally had gotten a hold of me my husband and my son had left for my in-laws to celebrate my sons birthday.

My parents were calling because they did not agree with my decision to have joint custody of my son after my husband and I were divorced. My mom said "This is what breaking up a family is all about!"

Oh my gosh!!! That's not what I wanted! I don't want to break up my family!!

A choice needed to be made. My family was falling apart in front of my eyes. I was the only one who could fix this.

Once again I found myself laying in bed in the dark and in tears.

A few short weeks later, the divorce was called off, I had put in my notice to work because I had decided to be a SAHM and we found out we were pregnant with our second child.

Needless to say, I am like my mom. Like she once was, I am trying to master the fine art of being a wife, a mother, a housekeeper, a cook, a medic, a chauffeur, a mentor, a teacher, and so many other roles that I play in this life of mine. I'm proud to be doing what my mom did. There is nothing wrong with this life that I have chosen.

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