Monday, July 31, 2006

School Time Conditioning

My 25-year old brother, God Bless him, is training for a marathon in Milwaukee, WI. He's been conditioning his body and preparing for months and the race still isn't until October. My SIL and I, among others, feel that part of this conditioning for this kind of a race is to have a complete health physical.....he isn't convinced.

I've decided since it is the first of August (almost) that it is time for our family to start conditioning ourselves for school. Last night the kids were in bed a little after 8:30 p.m. and this morning we got breakfast and dressed, made beds and did our morning chores (my older son did this) I am also designating Monday's and Wednesdays as NO TV/VIDEO GAME DAYS! Which has been successful, sort of, so far. It's amazing what their little imaginations can do with pillows, blankets and couch cushions....besides make a horrible mess of the living room....LOL!

I've also been working on a Home Management Binder which consists of basic morning/afternoon/evening routines, basic weekly plans, cleaning lists. I'm going to add other things to this later. Anyway, since I'm trying to condition the kids for the fast approaching start of school, I decided I needed to condition myself as well. We all know how schedules and routines fly right out the window in the summer months.

Today I did my morning routine which consists of showering/dressing/hair/make-up, morning devotions, making the bed, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning the bathroom figuring out dinner and starting the laundry. There are also "school related" items included in my morning routine which I skipped today, obviously. BUT, I didn't not complete these things until 11:30 this morning!!! The plan is to have this stuff done before the kids leave for school.....however, today was payday and My Sweetie decided I should do bills first, so I did. Plus, I didn't have it in me to wake up at 6:30....I need to work up to that one next week maybe!

Then I moved onto my basic plan for Monday which consists of Washing/Folding/Putting away the colored and dark loads of laundry, *This is still in process* Blessing my home which is scrubbing the bathtub, scrubbing the bathroom floor, cleaning the glass in the house (doors, picture frames, mirrors) dusting and vacuuming. I didn't get to the vacuuming yet because I can't see the floor due to the pillows, blankets, and couch cushions that are all over. I also have on my Monday List to spend 15 minutes in the ZONE for the week doing a cleaning project....I've decided against this one today also due to all of the extra picking up I've done today.

When you train for a marathon you don't run 26 miles the first, rather than trying to do EVERYTHING that I plan to do for fall in one day, we'll simply continue to work on conditioning ourselves little by little each day so we'll be ready for the big race!!

Menu Plan Monday

I found a new blog!!! The name of it is MUSIC to my ears!!! I'm an organizing junkie.

LAAAAAA!!!!! Here the music?? I'm so excited.

I'm an organizing junkie wanna be.....I have all of these plans and lists but sometimes just get OVERWHELMED with this old house and all the STUFF we have.....more on how I'm going to tackle this later. Maybe she can give me some much needed inspiration.

Anyway, Org Junkie has come up with a brilliant plan for those of us who menu plan or those of us who wish to menu plan. It would be a GREAT help to some of us who get into a rut.....we can browse other peoples menus and figure out what WE are going to do!! LOL!

Here is what I'm planning to do this's nice to have a plan but sometimes I get in the mood for something else and the plan dissipates. LOL!

MONDAY: Chicken Swiss Bake (I went to one of those places where you prepare 12 meals for your freezer....this is that last of what I have left from it.) Frozen Mixed vegetables and rolls (assuming I remember to take them from the freezer and let them rise!)

TUESDAY: Grilled Chicken Breasts (marinated in Italian Dressing) Pasta Salad and fruit

WEDNESDAY: On Wednesdays we have a youth program at church and they serve dinner at 6 p.m. YAY!!! NO COOKING!!!

THURSDAY: Leftovers (clean out the fridge before garbage day!)and kiwi Orange Poppy Seed Salad

FRIDAY: Black Bean Tamale Pie

SATURDAY: Dinner at Mom's for brother's bday

If you'd like to join the Monday Menu Plan hop on over to Organized Junkie and sign up. Or, if you'd like.....just browse everyone else's plans!!!

Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Waiting Game Begins

Well, we've done all we can do. The 5 days of Clomid, the 6 days of Follistim Shots in the tummy accompanied by frequent trips to the Dr. for ultra sound and blood work, the HCG shot to release the eggs and the IUI-intrauterine insemination-to help those "fellas" have a more direct path to where they need to go. Now all we can do is WAIT!!!!

As of Tuesday when I had my last ultra sound and blood work, I had 2 mature at 19 mm and another at 18 mm. I also had a follie that was 14 mm which could have matured by the time the trigger shot kicked in. So, the chances for multiples are defiantly there. I dropped of My Sweeties "cup" at the office today and went and had a cup of coffee and purchased $50 worth of cards at Super Target...because this is what one does just before insemination....LOL! It calmed my nerves to pick out a variety of cards to have on hand for any sort of an occasion.

I went back to the Dr. office and the nurse called me back and let me look at the sperm in the microscope. It was quite amazing to see them in there dancing around. She said that they looked GREAT and that sometimes she's lucky to get 5-6 of them in the screen.....oh boy! There were MORE than 5-6 in our dish! LOL!!! My Sweetie was very proud! As we were walking into the room I asked her for the ones with the pink bows on. She laughed. I'm glad she found it a little funny.

The IUI was fast and pretty painless. I've been a little crampy yesterday and today but I'm hoping that is a GOOD sign.

I go back on Thursday for a progestorone test.....a number of 10 or above will confirm ovulation. Then hopefully we'll be seeing 2 lines looking back at us around the 10th of August!

Friday, July 21, 2006

Needles and Shots and Hormones, OH MY!

Last night I did the first of a series of injections of FSH (the hormone that makes eggies grow!) After dinner My Sweetie and I went into the bedroom to conquer this task. I had decided that I should give myself the shot because if he were ever not here when I needed to do it I should probably know how!

So, we gathered all of the supplies and My Sweetie read aloud the instructions. Which, by the way were very easy to follow. I did fine until I pulled the protective cover off of the needle. There it was in all its glory. Shiny, Pointy and suppose to go WHERE?!?! Into my stomach? Tears filled my eyes and My Sweetie asked if I was going to be OK. KEEP READING PLEASE!! I need to get through this.

So then came the part when I was suppose to put the needle into my stomach. I hesitated....naturally. But then I did it....although to tell you the truth, I don't actually REMEMBER sticking it in. I do remember pushing the button to dispense the medicine and that hurt a little more than the actual "sticking."

When I pulled the needle out successfully there was blood coming from that little pin hole. Then I remembered how much my stomach bled when I pierced my belly button....ICK. ANYWAY, earlier that day when My Sweetie went to the store to fetch me some alcohol swabs for the process he also bought me some Disney Princess tattoo Band Aides....and let me tell ya! I made my boo-boo feel all better!! :)

Last night when I was sleeping you'll never guess what I dreamed about....NEEDLES AND SHOTS!!! I felt really restless all night, and it felt like every time I closed my eyes the only thing I could "see" were the needles! There were some big scary needles in my dreams last night too....which I think are coming from the fear of the needle I use for my HCG trigger shot. YIKES! I haven't seen it yet, but clearly I'm all freaked out about it!!!

I have been pleasantly surprised with my mood. It must be an answered prayer! I was so concerned about being an emotional, hormonal WRECK with these shots that naturally I prayed about it. And guess what?!?! I FEEL GRRRRREEEEATTTTTTTTT!!!!!! For now, knock on wood! :)

So, I'll do another shot tonight and then I go in bright and early for blood work and ultra sound Saturday Morning to check on how things are progressing. Then we'll go from there! Hopefully things look good and we'll be able to continue on. I would love to NOT be able to this next month....wink....wink!!

Uh-Oh....Soapbox time

There was an article in our local newspaper that really upset me. So much in fact I wanted to Blog about it. As I was doing some surfing today I found the article online along with 100+ comments. I read most of them and everyone has an opinion that they feel is the "right" opinion to have. Because of the Free Speech amendment we are all allowed to speak our minds without being persecuted. We are allowed protest things that we don't believe in and we are allowed to make the beliefs we do have known and heard.

The Westboro Baptist Church (I'd put a link on here, but I found several different ones so if you are interested do a Google Search) says
The group believes soldiers are being killed in Iraq because God is punishing the United States, especially its military, for tolerating homosexuality

The part that upset me most was that this group feels that God punishes people. God doesn't punish! He is a loving God who sent his Son to die for OUR SINS! And if we bow down and confess our sins and hand our life over to Christ then we will have eternal life.

Sgt. 1st Class Wehrly was a member of Bethel Baptist. Rev. Kendall said he received an e-mail from the soldier a few months before the man died, calling attention to the philosophy of the Westboro Baptist Church.

The soldier wrote that it didn't bother him that people were against the war in Iraq. However, Rev. Kendall recalled the soldier saying, "I don't think these people are preaching the proper message. Please inform the staff at Bethel to pray for them that their eyes will be opened to the real light."

"It's obvious Kyle was praying for them and they were condemning him," Rev. Kendall said. "I'm going to do what Kyle did. I'm going to pray for them."

What a light for Jesus Kyle Wehrly was....HE has the right attitude and I'm sure he is celebrating eternity right now with Jesus at his side.

As I read some of the comments that people from ALL OVER THE COUNTRY have made in regards to this article I found myself upset again. It saddened me the way some people view Christians. It saddened me that people are so turned off from Christ when all that he He has ever done was love them. It saddened me that people can be so harsh and cruel and judgmental when to me the teachings of Jesus seem so simple.

I know that there are always going to be extremists in the world. There are always going to be people who think they "know the way." There are always going to be people who disagree what this, that and the other. I just thank God for leading ME home and with Him in my heart, I know that it's ok to be upset with things like this and the best solution is like what Kyle Wehrly did, PRAY!

May God Bless each and every one of the soldiers who have fallen in this war, in wars of the past and in wars of the future. Without their heroism and bravery who knows the state this country/world would be in today. We may not agree with war, but the troops and the Commander and Chief of our country need our support and prayers.

Climbing off of my soapbox.....Have a blessed day!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


I made it one of my New Years Resolutions....To de-clutter and get organized! I have all these great ideas and plans and visions for my home....but DON'T IMPLEMENT!!! It's so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of day to day life that it is ALWAYS the housework/house management STUFF that suffers. But the sense of PEACE and HAPPINESS I feel when my home is somewhat put together is such a good feeling. I don't feel stressed, I feel like my mind is clear.

SO, in the few weeks left before my kids are back in school I'm going to ATTEMPT to put together a Home Management Binder. Cleaning lists, Daily Schedules, Meal Planning, Shopping Lists, etc... I've used some of flylady's techniques in the past. In fact, some of the ways I clean are her ideas! But I think I need to take what I've learned from her and adjust it to the needs of my home, family and personality.

Hopefully, by the time my kids are in school I'll be able to use my 3 hours a day that I'll have to myself as my "work" time; as my time to "serve" my family.

I have somehow been able to keep up on the laundry this summer! Now if I could just figure out how to do something with the toy room. YIKES!

Bullies...BEWARE !

What is it with kids and how they treat their peers! It breaks my heart when M (My Oldest) tells me the names kids have called him...twice this summer he's had his ball cap thrown into the dirt by another kid...and today the other kid in his swim class kept purposely splashing water at him while he was trying to do his laps. He has such a sweet, soft heart that is easily broken and he just doesn't understand why there are other kids who can be so cruel. I just wish I could protect him from all the hurt in the world. But the reality is that I can't.

So, I tell him that unfortunately it is just one of the sad truths about life. There are kids who are not nice to him now and there are going to be adults that are not nice to him when he is an adult. I told him it's all in how you handle it.

Now My Sweetie and I have quite differing opinions on how to react to these so called Bullies. My Sweetie has the "Eye for an Eye" therory. If someone calls you a name, you call them a name right back; if someone throws your hat in the dirt you do the same to theirs, if someone splashes you you splash them back. Revenge. Retaliation. Hate. OK, I know I shouldn't judge and this is such a Discipleship Denied issue for me that I really need to somehow work on, BUT, How is THAT Christ like?!?! ARGH!!!!!!!!

Whew, OK! Moving on...

I on the other hand think that you should love your enemies and forgive them I've told M before that if someone says something mean to him or does something mean to him he should say something nice back. It would just shock these kids I think to hear a come back of a compliment. Tried to stress the importance of nicely asking someone to stop what they are doing. I know that this is all easier said then done. But I really don't think revenge and/or retaliation is AT ALL the solution. That is why this world is in such shambles....people can't just "let things go," everyone feels that they need to fight for their way in this world.

I know I can't protect my kids from everything that is to come in their lives. The best I can do as their mom is to equip them with the confidence and love that they need to in fact love those who mistreat them and to forgive them. I need to teach them to give all their worries to God and to trust HIM to take care of things rather than trying to take care of things themselves.

I pray that someday My Sweetie will be able to back me up on this rather than argue with me about it.

Lessons From Camp

Well, M (My Oldest) has returned from camp all in one piece. A little dirty, but nonetheless, all in one piece! He survived the crazy sleeping arrangements, didn't starve, didn't drown. He actually did OK without ole' Mom. However when I went to pick him up I could tell that his back had gotten sun burnt and he told me, "I need YOU Mom to do those things for me."

I drove down on Friday with another friend who had a daughter there also. He seemed to have had a great time and said he would go back again. However, from the time he saw me he was ready to head home....AWE!!! I think he missed me! But I think he mostly missed his video games!! LOL!

The counselors said that M and his friend were the one on the BEST behaved kids they'd had all summer! M's counselor said that he felt that M had really gown over the last week.

After we dropped off our friends he told me that he had accepted Christ!! How awesome is that? He told me he was a "new creation," that he was "complete". He explained that he felt warm and tingly...I told him THAT was Jesus!

Today I complimented him on his nice behavior and attitude towards his brother since returning home. He told me, "I asked God to help me be a better brother" Precious!

I pray that the Holy Spirit continues to work in him and that he continues to grow closer to God.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Treading Water on a Roller Coaster

A new sense of hope comes over me on days like today. I get a little giddy; I get a litte anxious. I feel like a 5 year old on Christmas anticipating the excitement that is to come with the unwrapping of each gift.

Here we are...CYCLE DAY ONE! Not just ANY CD, no.....this is a CD 1 with a new plan in place. A new doctor; new drugs; new tests; a new opportunity for success.

Who knows what these next 28 days will hold for us. Maybe our lives will be changed; maybe in the end we will get the gift that we have been hoping for.

We also have to prepare our hearts for the possibility of disappointment because sometimes things just don't work out the way we planned. We just have to remember the One whose plan this really all is and continue to trust Him with ALL OUR HEART....Regardless of the outcome.

I've been trying to figure out a metaphor for these next 28 days. Here is what I've come up with so far:

These next 28 days might also be like apprehensively jumping into deep water without a lifejacket. You hope that you will stay afloat rather than drown; you hope that you can keep your head above water until someone comes and rescues you.

These next 28 days will be like a roller coaster ride. Many ups and downs; perhaps a few unexpected drops along the way; hopefully we won't get too disoriented if we happen to get turned upside down; hopefully when we get off we'll be able to say, "That was well worth the ride."

We will see where THIS path leads.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

TTO so we can TTC-Part Two

In June we met with a RE (reproductive endrocrologist) who bombarded us with information. I've done a lot of reading over the past 2 years and I was still overwhelmed.

They "unofficially" diagnosised me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Something I had suspected awhile ago but everyone told me that I didn't "have the symptoms". The RE said that you don't have to have all of those other symptoms to have it.

Their solution for me was to do a low-stimulation cycle. They are hoping by giving me the FSH hormone-the hormone that is sent from the pituitary gland in the brain to tell the follies to grow-it will help the follies grow to a good mature size.

The plan: On CD (cycle day) 3 I will go in and have (b/w) and an u/s done to establish a baseline. Then I will do 100 mg. of Clomid on cd 3-7 and then to do 150 iui of injectable FSH called follistim on cd 8 & 9 and then start bloodwork (b/w) and u/s monitoring on cd 10; They will adjust and continue the the follisitm as needed until the follies are big enough to release. Then they will give me a shot to release the eggs. My Sweetie and I then collect a sample from him the next morning and take it to the RE office where they will wash it and pull out the BEST and CLEANEST of My Sweetie's "guys" and then do an Interuterine insemination (IUI) on me. We will then be able to go home and still BD (baby dance/sex) every other day for the next several days just in case the eggs released a little late. On CD 21 they will test my progesterone level. A number above 10 will confirm that I ovulated. Then we will wait some more and take a pregnancy test to see if it worked.

Tomorrow I will take my last pill of provera. So hopefully by the end of the week we can get this new cycle going! New cycles mean a new start and give me a new sense of hope. But, I'm a ball of emotions about this whole thing. I am nervous about the side effects I may get from the shots; I am nervous about the early morning u/s and b/w and rushing back home so My Sweetie can go to work; I'm nervous about my kids waking up for several mornings and wondering where mommy is; I'm worried that it won't work.

I am not getting my hopes up this time. I've done that several times in the past and wound up heartbroken. I'm just going to take this cycle as it comes; see what happens; then go from there. Ultimately, it is in God's hands.

TTO so we can TTC-Part One

In case you are wondering....the title means "Trying to ovulate so we can Try to conceive."

I haven't talked much lately about our infertility journey and with a new and improved treatment plan coming up for this next cycle I thought I'd document a little of what will be going on with me this month.

Since my last post about our infertility journey, a lot has happened. We did the round of Clomid back in March and then My Sweetie and I each did our Walk to Emmaus. While I was on my Walk I had some spotting which I wasn't prepared for. Nothing bad, thank goodness for the "girl basket" in all the bathrooms. I was hopeful because I thought maybe, just maybe it could be implantation bleeding. When I got home I took a test.....BFN. **SIGH** Amazingly, it was the first time I'd gotten a negative test that I didn't want to go off and eat a gallon of ice cream chased with a bag of potato chips. I had a different kind of peace that this was all part of God's plan and that He would make His plan known on His time.

So, I started yet another round of provera and then another round of the Clomid. I had a Dr. appt. early on in the cycle with my OB and she decided that we would do some ultra sound (u/s) monitoring of my follies this cycle and if they get big enough she would do a HCG trigger shot to release the eggs and My Sweetie and I could go be bunnies! Sounded like a great plan to me! I was very hopeful. I knew when My Sweetie started assisting me to Dr. visits and actually started talking about another baby....something he hadn't done prior to his Walk.....that God's plan was working! My Sweetie had written me a letter saying he had been able to let go of a lot of past hurt and felt like he could finally love me with his whole heart and soul. Why would God bless us with a child if my husband had been holding back all these years. It made sense to me. And it made sense that THIS was the right time to start doing the monitoring.

So we did. However, the follies never got big enough to do the trigger shot. Once again we had another cycle pass us up where we weren't even given the opportunity to TRY. UGH! That's all I waned.....just a chance to TTC!!! Things had been going so well....I thought God was working and now this?! (Of course, he was working on my life....just not to my liking at the time)

When my OB looked at my last u/s results she was baffled as to why my follies weren't growing. But at least maybe we had found the problem. She asked how badly we wanted a third child. That hurt. Why would I be there if it wasn't important to me! She said that there were other things that she could try but she felt it was time for me to move on to a specialist.

As I left the Dr. office that afternoon it was raining. I picked up My Youngest One so we could get to the car faster. He put his sweet little head down on my shoulder and I hugged him and cried. But I wasn't crying over what I didn't or possibly couldn't have. I just felt so thankful for the gift of the two boys I already had. What sweet, precious blessings they are.

Off to Camp

This is where I dropped my first born child off on Sunday. YUP! This is where he'll be sleeping until Friday. GULP!! My Sweetie told me that it doesn't "look as bad" in the picture.

He's at church camp. This is his first time going. This is a HUGE step for me. He's never even stayed the night at a friends house and I left him to sleep on the floor (no beds!) of this...THING.....up in the air 2 1/2 hours away from home? What was I thinking???

When we drove him back to his treehouse his counselor came up and shook my hand and introduced himself. I could barely spit my name out because I was choking back tears. We got him all situated and then went up to the main hall where they were all meeting. He was anxious to get rid of us!!! Can you believe that?? LOL!

I was very proud of myself for not sobbing the entire ride home. I felt a lot better after talking a bit to one of our Parish Pastors who will be staying the week. Our parish intern is also there and there is a girl from our church that is in his group.

I think the hardest thing is not being able to TALK to him! They have a one-way email system set up so I can write to him but he can't write back. Later this evening they are suppose to post pictures on the webpage so we can see what they've been doing. I'm REALLY looking forward to seeing his smiling face.

Like I said, this is a big mommy step for me. BUT, I trust God that all is well.....I'm not worried about him at all.....I just miss him. I'm glad that he is able and enthusiastic about this opportunity. I never went to church camp, or any other sort of camp for that matter. My Sweetie went to church camp and assures me that he will have a BLAST! I know that he will too. Perhaps he'll learn something too!

I have been thinking and praying about him a lot this week. I feel like My Sweetie and I can be too hard on him sometimes. I feel like maybe we expect too much out of him for the age that he is. I feel like I can be short with him when all he is looking for is some attention. I feel like I don't give him the benefit of the doubt sometimes.

I need to remember that he is a kid and needs to be able to enjoy being a kid. I need to remember that the best way to teach him is through my good example and to not be too hard on him when he does make mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn and as long as no one got hurt a gentle reminder should be all it takes. Now I'm not saying discipline is never needed, just the way we discipline doesn't have to be so negative all the time.

He's going to be 10 this year. Getting into that pre-teen age group. Lord, Help me! I pray that he'll have a love for Jesus at an earlier age than I did. I pray that through my teaching and example that he can. I pray that he will always to do his best in school and no matter what that is to be proud of him. I pray that we can have a loving, trusting, open relationship and that he knows that God and his parents are who he should turn to when he has questions about life or fears and worries to express.

I tell him the reason he is so special to me is because he made me a mommy. I tell him that even though it took the first 5 years of his precious life before I realized the complete joy and importance of being there for him, that choosing to be a stay-at-home mom was one of the best decisions I've made in my life. I will always be very proud of my choice. Someday I'll tell him that even though his dad and I were unmarried and very young when we got pregnant with him(he knows that part) that I see that it was God's plan all along. Had we not gotten pregnant, who knows where My Sweetie and I would have ended up; who knows if I would have pursued a reporting job and where it would have taken me; who knows if I'd even be able to have children at a later age (especially with all the problems I'm having with getting pregnant). Yes, It was all part of the awesome story of my life; of our lives; written before we were even born. I can't wait to see what else God has in store for all of us!

Monday, July 10, 2006

Eternal Life: Will I see you there?

In the center of my heart and my life there is a man. A wonderful man who did the most amazing thing for ME. He has taken my sins and not only FORGIVEN me of them but He has FORGOTTEN that they ever happened. And because of this great act of love He has made it possible for me to live forever. WOW!! Isn't that awesome? The concept of forever might sound exhausting to some. But to me it sounds peaceful. I know that when all of my hard work here is done, then I will enter into my peaceful eternal life and have the awesome opportunity bow down at the foot of this wonderful man and thank Him for all that He did for me. Did I deserve it? No. Have I earned it? Hardly. But I will live each day on this Earth trying to serve Him and do what He has planned for me.

Salvation. WOW! It's something that I feel that I'm a little behind in learning about. I always figured, if you believe in God and believe that He sent His Son to die for our sins then you'd go to Heaven. I thought if people went to church and did good things then they'd go to Heaven. I also thought that since Jesus died for all of our sins, then everyone would go to Heaven. These are just a few thoughts that have passed through my mind over the last several years about eternal life.

In fact it wasn't until a year or two ago that I even heard of the words "Being Saved" In retrospect, how could I have truly been a "Christian" and have never heard those words before? Have I not been listening? Have I been misguided? Have I been uneducated? That word "Saved" sat there on my heart for a long while until I heard it again when I was doing my Walk to Emmaus. Saved. What does that mean??? Oh, my goodness! Have I been saved? I wasn't sure. I believed in Jesus, I loved Him in fact. I went to Church and gave my money and talents where I could. Are you telling me that's not enough?

I had a perfect opportunity one evening while on my Walk to ask Jesus into my heart. But I was so overwhelmed and distracted with all that had happened and all that was going on that even though I prayed the "right" words I just didn't feel like I had "done it right." When I returned to the "real world" I found myself very frustrated about 48 hours after returning home. I found myself actually questioning this God of ours. I had just had this AMAZING experience that proved to me the love that God has for me yet when I returned home I felt so overwhelmed with just how big He is that for a day or so I actually started to doubt His existence. I really felt like I had failed. But then I realized it was the Devil working overtime on me. I had seen God's love and had actually seen Jesus for the first time in my life that the devil was scared. I realized that I had to learn how to see Jesus everyday through my own eyes. When I realized this I prayed. I sat on the edge of my bed and prayed for Jesus to come into my heart and to be my Savior.

So after that I felt pretty good. I had been Saved by grace! I was on my way.

But I still felt that since Jesus died for our sins that meant the sins of everyone. Then the John 3:16 slapped me in the face. This wasn't a new verse to me. I knew it quite well in fact. But for some reason, it jumped out at me. For about a week I was just so drawn in by this verse. I realize now that it was God speaking to me.

"For God so loved the world that he sent his only Son, so that anyone who believed in Him shall not perish but have eternal life"

So that ANYONE who BELIEVED in Him SHALL NOT PERISH but have ETERNAL LIFE. There it was....God telling me that salvation was not for everyone, but only for those who had accepted Jesus as their savior. WOW! This is huge! It was a light bulb for me for some reason.

A short while after that light bulb, another one went off in my head. I was sitting at a training meeting for a summer ministry that I was going to help out with this summer. The director handed out a sheet of paper on Salvation so that we could be prepared to help lead some of these children to Christ should they ask. There it was....God speaking to me, teaching me once again. The way to salvation is NOT simply by being "good" or doing "good works" but ONLY through Jesus Christ; asking him to be our Savior; asking him into our hearts.

So there I was one day not too long after that....and on the radio they were talking about this topic of salvation again. So I turned off the radio, left the dishwasher as is and dropped to my knees on my not so-clean, bleach-stained brown kitchen carpet and prayed. Yes, again. For the third time in about 2 1/2 months I asked Jesus to be my savior; I surrendered my life to Him; I asked him into my heart. I was on my knees for about 30 minutes, tears rolling down my cheeks....talking to Him; thanking Him; accepting Him; surrendering to Him.

There is no cookie cutter way to accept Christ. But for me I think I had to do it three times I needed to let Jesus into my heart a little bit at a time because I was still learning what all that entailed. I think "Gee, I'm 29 and could have used Jesus a long time ago!" Well, I know he was always there.....I had felt him several times throughout my life nudging me. But I had never opened my heart to Him, I had never invited Him in. With Him there now the possibilities are all in His hands and I'm excited!

Writers Block Cured!!

I haven't written in a long while. No reason other than I just haven't felt the need to write. But lately I've had thoughts running wild through my head that I've wanted to write about. My faith journey; my children; my prayers for others; my never-ending battle with housework. Plus we are getting ready to jump feet first into a more aggressive, more invasive plan to get pregnant. So, I"m sure I'll have a few things to say about that.

So brew some coffee and get comfy.....there may be lots of reading ahead!