Tuesday, July 11, 2006

TTO so we can TTC-Part One

In case you are wondering....the title means "Trying to ovulate so we can Try to conceive."

I haven't talked much lately about our infertility journey and with a new and improved treatment plan coming up for this next cycle I thought I'd document a little of what will be going on with me this month.

Since my last post about our infertility journey, a lot has happened. We did the round of Clomid back in March and then My Sweetie and I each did our Walk to Emmaus. While I was on my Walk I had some spotting which I wasn't prepared for. Nothing bad, thank goodness for the "girl basket" in all the bathrooms. I was hopeful because I thought maybe, just maybe it could be implantation bleeding. When I got home I took a test.....BFN. **SIGH** Amazingly, it was the first time I'd gotten a negative test that I didn't want to go off and eat a gallon of ice cream chased with a bag of potato chips. I had a different kind of peace that this was all part of God's plan and that He would make His plan known on His time.

So, I started yet another round of provera and then another round of the Clomid. I had a Dr. appt. early on in the cycle with my OB and she decided that we would do some ultra sound (u/s) monitoring of my follies this cycle and if they get big enough she would do a HCG trigger shot to release the eggs and My Sweetie and I could go be bunnies! Sounded like a great plan to me! I was very hopeful. I knew when My Sweetie started assisting me to Dr. visits and actually started talking about another baby....something he hadn't done prior to his Walk.....that God's plan was working! My Sweetie had written me a letter saying he had been able to let go of a lot of past hurt and felt like he could finally love me with his whole heart and soul. Why would God bless us with a child if my husband had been holding back all these years. It made sense to me. And it made sense that THIS was the right time to start doing the monitoring.

So we did. However, the follies never got big enough to do the trigger shot. Once again we had another cycle pass us up where we weren't even given the opportunity to TRY. UGH! That's all I waned.....just a chance to TTC!!! Things had been going so well....I thought God was working and now this?! (Of course, he was working on my life....just not to my liking at the time)

When my OB looked at my last u/s results she was baffled as to why my follies weren't growing. But at least maybe we had found the problem. She asked how badly we wanted a third child. That hurt. Why would I be there if it wasn't important to me! She said that there were other things that she could try but she felt it was time for me to move on to a specialist.

As I left the Dr. office that afternoon it was raining. I picked up My Youngest One so we could get to the car faster. He put his sweet little head down on my shoulder and I hugged him and cried. But I wasn't crying over what I didn't or possibly couldn't have. I just felt so thankful for the gift of the two boys I already had. What sweet, precious blessings they are.

1 comment:

Courtney said...

I do a trigger shot on Tuesday... hopefully. I hope you have more success next time.