Friday, April 16, 2010

The Perfect Journey

September 16, 2002
I sat in the Labor and Delivery room holding my new baby boy. My mom asked, "So, are you ready to have another one??" Unlike most who have just given birth, I answered her with an enthusiastic "YES!!!" As thrilled as I was to be holding baby number 2 I knew that we would have more children.

At an annual
OBGYN visit, my midwife told me, that it might take me a little longer than most to get pregnant again.

April 2004
BuhBuh was 19 months old and My Sweetie and I took off for a weekend get away. This would be the weekend we officially started trying for #3 knowing that it may take "a little longer" to actually get pregnant.

April 2005
Still trying. Began talking with midwife and NFP consultant

August 2005
Started Clomid and felt hopeful

August 2005-March 2006
Had several Dr appointments, did several rounds of provera and then clomid, took countless pregnancy tests, went through feelings of brokenness, hopelessness and heartache

One Sunday in Church
Our Pastor offered to anoint those and pray over anyone who felt lead to be prayed over. I went forward and kneeled before him, asking for guidance, direction and strength on this infertility journey and also for an accepting, joyful heart for the family that we did have.

April 2006
While on a Walk to Emmaus weekend sang the song "Because He Lives" and wept uncontrollably as we sang the line, "How sweet to hold, a newborn baby..." One of my amazing leaders took me in her arms and whispered, "God knows when, God knows how many"

While on this weekend I learned, for the first time, about God's grace, forgiveness and love for me. I came home, truly "a new creation" and accepted Christ a couple of weeks later.

Mid-April 2006
Another negative pregnancy test. But I for the first time, I was OK with this

May 2006
Doors began to open. I felt God working. The Dr. ordered some ultra sounds to watch how I progressed on the Clomid. They learned that my follies were not growing to a mature enough rate to release. The Dr. asked, "How badly do you really want a 3rd baby?" The words stung.

As we left the Dr's office a gentle mist was falling. I picked up my BuhBuh and carried him to the car crying. But this time I didn't cry for what I didn't have, but cried because I was so grateful for what I did have.

June 2006
Met with a Reproductive Endrocologist. My head was swimming with all the information and I had been reading and studying this stuff for 2 years. I was overwhelmed.

July 2006
A new plan. 5 days of Clomid, 6 days of Follistim shots in the tummy, early morning blood work and ultra sounds, Multiple Mature Follies, HCG trigger shot, 2 weeks waiting, nightmares of shots and needles, tears from fear, tears of frustration, One Amazing God who got me through

August 9th, 2006 a.m.
"Tomorrow I'll test", Scared to death of the disappointment, unsure if I can do this again, nightmares of disappearing lines on the pregnancy test, feelings of crampiness, pimples on my face, feelings that it just didn't work.

August 9th, 2006 p.m.
"Let's take a test NOW" My Sweetie suggested. "NO!!!!" I protested. Can't I just wait to be upset until tomorrow, PLEASE????

We take the test.

I cry.

I can't look.

I hand the test to him.

He smiles.

My tears change from tears of fear to tears of joy.

August 9th 2006-April 17th 2007

Decent pregnancy. A little achy, but no complaints. I'm finally pregnant!!!

I savor every second of it.

Monday April 16th, 2007

We hoped our baby would come this day. My Sweetie and BuhBuh were both born on the 16th and BuhBuh and The Boy were both born on Monday. It seemed like the perfect day for our baby to come.

April 17th 2007

Bible Study in the a.m. I tell my friends that the baby has to come today or wait until Monday because I have plans this weekend!!! Appointment with midwife. She works her "magic" and says she thinks I can have this baby if I come in and they break my water.

But I have a 4th grade science project due tomorrow!!!!

I realize that we have 4 names but haven't decided on one. I realize this poor baby has no nursery to come home to. I laugh at the poor "third child"pattern this baby is already falling into.

Arrive and get checked into the hospital shortly after 5 p.m.

They break my water around 6 p.m.

Shortly after 8 p.m. My Sweetie delivers our 3rd baby boy.

"What should we name him?" My Sweetie asks.

I blurt out the one name that had been on my heart since before I was pregnant.

We arrive home from the hospital and in the mail was a congratulations card from our Pastor and his wife. Printed on the left hand side of the card, a scripture.

"For this child I prayed." 1 Samuel 1:27

Again I cry, knowing that he has been given the exact, most perfect name that God intended him to have.

God is so good.

Three years have passed. I can't wait to celebrate all that he has brought into our lives tomorrow and show him the love that we have in our hearts for him. He is indeed, our miracle, our gift from God, given to us at the most God-perfect time.

1 comment:

Quadmama said...

I had no idea. I think your journey sheds a great light on the misconceptions of infertility. So many people think that if you become pregnant once you'll never have trouble. Thank you for sharing!