I was getting ready for bed last night and I was looking around our house feeling a little frustrated with the fact that we are still in this house. Twice within two months this year we had found a house that we were very interested in buying. Both times, the door of opportunity was shut on us on each of those houses. It didn't take me too long to get over it the first time. I was bummed but within 2 weeks I was ready to keep on looking. The most recent one still burns. We went to bed one evening thinking we were getting a signed contract to buy first thing in the morning just to wake up to a phone call with a counter offer that we just couldn't accept. That home is still listed as "under contract" and had we bought it we would have been moved in already.
A year ago we completely renovated our living/dining room area. We got it all put back together just in time for Christmas. But the one thing we haven't done is put pictures back up on the walls. I'm not much of an interior decorator but I LOVE having family pictures all over the place. We haven't put up pictures for two reasons, My Sweetie doesn't want holes in his pretty, new walls and we have always had the sense that this home was temporary until the next thing comes along. Why go through all the work of hanging pictures if we're going to sell and move? This spring we did something kind of fun. We went to Lowes and bought chairs, tiki candles and flowers for the deck and around the house. In the 11 years we've lived here we've never done that. As I looked around I experienced a sense of peace that THIS was home and I was comfortable. Ironically, that was about the time we found the second house that we liked. I think it's time we get some frames and hang up pictures so we can have that sense of peace again that THIS is home until God leads us someplace else.
The quote, "Live simply, so others can simply live" rings loudly in my head. My Sweetie has been doing so well at work and we are FINALLY at a point where we are financially comfortable. I can't tell you what a great feeling it is to take a vacation and not worry if there is going to be enough money left or to simply go out to dinner and not feel guilty for doing so. We have made good choices the past several years and that's why we are where we are. I know that there is a reason and it is God who is in control and has a perfect plan. Maybe that's why "Live simply so others can simply live" is never too far from my thoughts. If we would have bought the house, we would have been able to continue our tithes, but we may not have been able to do the extra giving that we do; the other random acts of kindness that we enjoy.
After I got into bed, My Sweetie rolled over and said he just didn't feel in control of things and didn't understand how two houses that we actually liked fell through. I had to smile a little since I was just thinking the same thing. I wanted to say, "DUH! None of us are in control." But control is the one thing most of us want to maintain more than anything. I'm just as guilty of this as the next person. I guess it's not until we fully give God control that we can actually feel like we have a handle on things. Someday I pray I'll be there 100%. Until then, I just try the best I can on a day to day basis.
I have come to realize something, home for us isn't found a ranch home with a pool and a large yard or in a restored turn-of the century farm house with 3 acres. As they say, home is where our story begins. This house is certainly where our story began. This is the home where My Sweetie and I spent time with his family while we were still just dating; this is the home that we discussed our wedding plans in; this is the home where my sister-in-law gave me a baby shower; this is the home we moved into when My Sweetie graduated from college; this is the home where all of our babies took their first steps, celebrated their first Christmas and Birthday; this is the home where we share family meals and play games; this is the place I want to go after I've been away; this is the place that makes me feel safe; this is the place where we all rest our heads at the end of the day. That is our story and for now this IS our home and I know when and if God leads us someplace else, this place will always hold a very special place in all of our memories and hearts.