My First Born Boy

So my son M brings home in his folder in the SAME day a science test with an "F" and a permission slip to do a gifted screening test on him. Ironic?

We had a little discussion that maybe he needs to bring his book home to study before a test. His reply, "But they didn't tell us to." His teacher was nice enough to let him correct his test for some extra credit points. However, he still didn't bring his book home!

I figured we'd go ahead with the gifted screening. He's been fortunate enough these past several years to be involved in the gifted pull-out program. I think he is a very smart little boy; I think he's a lot like his dad. Very intelligent but lacks to see the big picture and importance of trying and working your hardest for the grades you deserve. The test I think will show us just what his capabilities are and give me some better ground for pushing him harder or letting up a little.

He was definitely a super-star soccer player last night. In fact this whole season he's been quite impressive. He's really blossomed into an aggressive, skilled player. Last night when he was playing forward he was able to dribble the ball down the field, maneuver the ball around one defender, maneuver the ball around the second defender and then kick the ball into the corner of the goal to score. It was just awesome! Both my hubby and I (who were on opposite sides of the field) said we got a little choked up about it.

I don't know if it the age, but he has developed this attitude this year. Just a real smart mouth, disrespectful attitude towards us and I even see him treat other adults that way. I don't want to be crabbing to him about his behavior all of the time, but it really needs to stop. I know with the pre-teen/teen years approaching rapidly there will be attitudes and struggles. But I really want us to remain civil and not become a mother-son who yell at each other.

I do think I expect more out of him because he is the oldest. I feel guilty about it a lot but still press on. I need to remember that he's only 9 (almost 10) and not 18. I can be such a control freak when it comes to my kids. I need to trust in God a whole lot more, pray more for my kids rather than getting frustrated with them when all they are doing is acting their age.

He really is a good boy. He does well in school, doesn't get into trouble while there, has a huge loving heart and has such and can just be an all around fun kid. I can hardly believe that it was almost 10 years that I held his tiny 6 lb 2 oz body close to my and snuggled his sweet bald head. I worry about my parenting with him because I'm young and I just don't want to "mess up". I just want to love him and equip him with everything he needs to know for life. Isn't that what we all want for our children?

Amazed

Just about everyone is in the "know" of our happy news. Our son turned 4 last Saturday so we put both boys in T-Shirts that said "I have a secret" on the front. The back said, "I'm going to be a Big Brother" Our M's shirt also said the word, "Again". Our siblings were all excited for us.

We've also told most of our closest friends. They too are very excited for us.

I've just been filled with so many "warm fuzzies" this past week as we've shared our news because it's been such a different reaction from our other two pregnancies. Not that people weren't happy for us but there were other circumstances in our lives during both of those times that I'm sure caused some concerns on whether or not it was the "right" time for us to be having a baby. But I know that the other pregnancies were at the "right" time because all things are on God's time...not ours.

I've just had so many warm hugs and sweet loving words it's just been great!

We had a 10 week ultra sound on Thursday. I am still in amazement over the miracle of life growing inside of me. The changes that there has been in 4 short weeks, the fact that Peanut is just 3.48 cm. long and I can see FINGERS and to be able to see the baby moving its arms and legs and opening its mouth....it's all just so cool! I have my first appointment with my mid-wife on Monday. We have been officially released from the specialist. YAY!!

Life has sure been keeping me on my toes the past couple of weeks. Commitments outside of the house, field trips and sports for the kids, homework, a new Bible study, (WITH HOMEWORK) L's bday party, and then there's the laundry and regular day to day mess that keeps piling up at home. Yesterday I was sure I was drowning. Thankfully, the woozies seem to have subsided but the sleepies are still there. They hit me hard around 5 o'clock after a day of mom/wife duties. Making for a very cranky wife for my poor husband and kids at times.

Fall is defiantly in the air. The cool crisp weather has been lovely. I want to go pick apples this weekend....between raindrops! In a few weeks we'll hop in the car for a drive up north a bit to see the beautiful trees. This is by far my most favorite time of year.

Hopefully, I can find some more time to write. I truly enjoy it but when there are so many other things that need to be done I have mommy guilt that I need to work, work, work rather than relax and take time for myself.

Blessings to you all....

I Remember...

5 years ago I was at home with my then 4-year old son. He was in the living room watching his cartoons and I was just going about my morning. The phone rang and it was my husband. It was a shock to hear his voice on the other end because we had been separated for several months and were in the process of a divorce.

"Are you watching television?" It was the most civil he had talked to me in months.

"No, why?" I asked.

He proceeded to tell me what had happened and I watched the news in shock.

"This is bad, really bad," I remember him saying.

After getting off the phone with him I called a couple of friends from work. I worked at a television station in the production department. I was a news geek....there was breaking news and I knew I had to get to work.

I quickly dressed and got my son ready for and dropped him off at day care and was at my station by 10:30 that morning. I usually worked a second shift position. But everyone was there in the control room. I took my seat next to the director and that's basically where I sat for the next 12 hours.

When we weren't on our network we were doing local cut ins. It was a fly-by-the seat of your pants day. This was what news was all about. The adrenaline rush carried me through the day.

At one point I called my husband. I needed to hear his voice. When he returned my call he was short with me and I almost regretted that decision. He asked about when I was going to get on my own health insurance because he had some papers to sign at work. Our country was under attack and THIS is what he has to say to me?

Most people chose to sit and watch the events unfold. I didn't because I was part of making it unfold for people. I couldn't escape it. As I watched one of the network reporters get choked up towards the end of his story I realized how much worse so many people are right now than myself. Here I was in the middle of a divorce with my husband for selfish reasons and there were people out there wondering where their loved ones were.


I remember the images from that horrific day. But mostly I remember how I felt. Scared; confused; like my life was spinning out of control. I had nighmares for a long time after. I called them "end of the world" nightmares. I haven't had any in a long while which is good I suppose.

I worked at least 12 hours that day, not getting home until late. That night, I slept in my bed that my husband and I shared. Neither of us had moved out during the separation and I had been sleeping in my son's room on a mattress on the floor. But I just needed to be near my husband that night; needed to feel him somewhat close; needed to feel safe. I was back in at work by 6 a.m. the next day to direct the morning news and put in another 12 hours at least.

On Sept. 13th my husband and I had our first counseling session. Although there were many more rough spots in the months ahead I eventually called off the divorce; just in time for Christmas. I don't know if I would have been so willing to work on things with him had it not been for September 11th; had my life not been put into perspective for me that day; had I not realized how short life is.

My heart continues to break and weep for those who were affected by this tragedy in a direct way.

If you have a 9/11 story that you would like to share...post it on your blog and go to Rocks in my Dryer and add your name to the Mr. Linky and read what others have written as well.

Blessings....

Random Ramblings

I haven't felt very "bloggy" lately. Just haven't had a whole lot to ramble about. So here are just a few random things to report on from the Laundry Trenches.

Kids are getting into the swing of things with school. M who is in 4th grade is yet to bring any homework home. He's been able to get it done in school, which is good. We have been working nightly on spelling words which can be a struggle in itself. It's 20 words...and they aren't terribly hard. He just doesn't like to have to WORK for his grades. Math and science are easy for him....spelling and English are a little more challenging and he gets frustrated when it takes a little extra work. Soccer has also started....practices right now and games start next Thursday. I can hardly imagine that he's going to be 10 in a couple of months. He's already sporting that pre-teen attitude and disrespect lately. Which I'm sure is just a phase but I'm really starting to feel grouchy for having to correct him ALL OF THE TIME!

L really seems to be enjoying preK. He gets off the bus each day at noon and I ask him if he had a good day. He says, "Yeah, I want to go back there again!" So cute! I'm already beginning to notice him using some of what he's learned at home. They've been talking about good and bad social skills, how to be awesome cleaners and their teacher taught them some sign language today! In church he's actually been PARTICIPATING in the singing!!! He NEVER did that before! The preK teachers were a little worried about him because when we were in for his screening last spring he showed some separation anxiety problems. But he's been doing great! He has his first field trip next week. It should be exciting!!!

The peanut must be doing well because I'm still battling the woozies and the sleepies. But it's all good!!! Tomorrow we have another u/s with the nurse at the RE's office then we jaunt over to my OB's office and visit with my midwife's nurse! I keep thinking that this will be our last Halloween as a family of 4....our last Thanksgiving, our last Christmas....by Mother's Day we'll take the annual mom and kids pictures....and there will be one more!!! Like I told my best friend today, I'm trying to NOT anticipate my due date too much. This has been something we've wanted for so long and now that we finally have it I want to ENJOY every second of it! Especially the icky ones! This very well could be our last pregnancy also. We won't do what we did this last time to get pregnant again. If it is God's will for us to have more kids, He will make it happen. If not, then that's is OK too.

My hubby has been GREAT and very supportive. I've really been slacking in my "job" lately. He does his job during the day, comes home and helps with dinner and dishes and kids. I've promised him that his lovely wife will return soon. I would like us to have maybe a couple of dates between now and the time baby gets here. Mostly because since I'm nursing baby will always be with me for the next year after it gets here.

I'm looking forward to next week. Lots of things to keep me busy! It will either kill me or do a world of good for me! I find when I have other things to focus on the woozies and sleepies aren't as bad. There will defiantly be plenty to focus on next week!

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