I Blinked

Just the other day I was following him as he enthusiastically skipped up the road to the bus stop for first time. 

 Then I blinked and turned from the passenger seat of my van and saw him driving. 

 

First day of Sophomore year

Just the other day I was pushing a grocery cart out to the van and he sat in the seat smiling up at me and we sang silly songs together without a care of who could be watching or listening. 

 Then I blinked and looked up and heard him talking about plans for his 10th birthday.

First day of 4th grade

 Just the other day I was nuzzling his sweet smellin' newborn baby head and giving Thanks to God for the opportunity to be a mama to a third boy.

Then I blinked and saw him glancing over his shoulder at me after trying on his new backpack for kindergarten

First day of kindergarten.

 

 

 

And there he goes...

 

 

 

 

 

5

Oh sweet boy....where has the time gone?

I remember so clearly the day we found out we were pregnant.  I remember so clearly the warm, April day that you came into the world.

These past 5 years have gone so fast.  But have been so sweet. 

You are so full of joy that is contagious and brings so much joy to everyone who knows and loves you. 

 You have a heart that loves big and isn't afraid to share that love with others.  

You have grown into such a big boy this past year.  Weekly play dates with friends, taking pride in the chores you do around the home, playing soccer, swim lessons, enthusiastically embracing all the learning opportunities at school, speech, church and home. 

You can't wait for Kindergarten.  I'm hoping the summer lasts forever.

Your favorite color is still yellow. Everyone knows it too!  It's a good favorite color for you because yellow is such a warm, cheery, happy color just like your personality.  

Routine is important.  There must be a book before bed regardless of the hour on the clock. We need to get a milk from Starbucks when we visit Target and you like to pick out lunchables from the grocery store after MOPS for a car picnic on the way to preschool.   

You want to be a Farmer Dad when you grow up and have 10 kids.  You tell me that you are going to give me bunnies and you insist that I come and visit your farm.  You got it, buddy!!!!

You have a curiosity and a love for Jesus which stretches my faith.  You love being together as a family, always encouraging game time.  You are very strict about meal time prayers.  The other day we stopped for lunch at a restaurant and you sweetly looked across the table and said, "Let's pray"  You tell me I'm beautiful at least 5 times a day.  You love to snuggle in my bed and have me read books to you.  It's a precious sweet time.  You seem to always beat me in Sorry.  I'm getting better though.  

You and BuhBuh continue to have a strong brotherly bond.  You enjoy when The Boy is left to babysit you and makes you a "mix bowl".  If given the choice between staying home with him and coming with me, you choose him

 

You love monster trucks and stuffed animals playdough and coloring.  Helping mom in the kitchen and helping dad in the yard.  

                       

You look forward to your weekly daddy nights and your stay home days on Mondays.  

I sure do love being your mommy.  I haven't taken a single day of these past 5 years for granted.  You have brought so much joy and love into this home than I would have ever thought was possible.  Although my heart breaks at the thought of you beginning school, I know that there will be more sweet blessings that you will continue to bring into our lives.   

Happy (a little late) Birthday my sweet boy.  What fun we are going to have in the months and years to come!

Forks along the way...

This past October I visited the seminary that I hope to start in the fall.  I had butterflies in my stomach.  I was nervous.

Every day they have scheduled chapel time, no classes are in session for that time of the morning.  The student pastor preached that morning on Hebrews 12:1-2

"As for us, we have this large crowd of witnesses around us.  So then, let us rid ourselves of everything that holds on to us so tightly and let us run with determination the race that lies before us.  Let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from beginning to end."

Appropriate I thought for this scared seminary seeking stay-at-hom mom.  It put me at ease.  And being gathered in worship with a group of people who too are heeding the call from God for ordanied ministry was pretty awesome as well.

I thought I had it all planned how my future education path would look.  In speaking with the admissions director, financial aid and the chair of the degree program that I plan to work for, I realized it was silly to plan.  It became clear that my plan was not going to work.

Later that evening the reality of it all hit me.  I cried.  No.  That's incorrect.  I bawled like a baby!!  Sobs and everything!

My sweet husband consoled me by saying, "Uh, hun.  I don't know what to do when you cry like this"

Then he affirmed, "When God calls us into something, we have to do it."

My problem was what this change would do to our family.  Would our marriage be ok?  Would my kids be ok?  Would my house fall apart if I"m not here to care for it?  What would we eat for dinner?

I wanted God to tell me that everything would be OK before I pursued this any further. 

 I Found myself weeping at the communion rail the next Sunday as I listened to the words of the songs the congregation sang.  I found myself dragging my feet a bit on the next steps that I needed to take.  Found myself walking around in a bit of a haze. I found myself not wanting this season of life to end.  How had time gone so fast these past 5 years?  Past 10 years?  How could this season of having babies at home really be almost over?

I felt like there was a fork in the road that I was going to have to decide which path to follow.  I wasn't there yet, but I could see it off in the distance a bit.

Then I found myself needing some direction before I reached that fork.  So I reached for my life map.

I turned to a bright green sticky tab that marked a verse that I must have taught on before.  My eyes were drawn down to the verse.  The words jumped off the page at me in a way that made my heart skip. 

"The Lord will make you go through hard times, but he himself will be there to teach you and you will not have to search for him any more.  If you wander off the road to the right or the left you will hear his voice behind you saying, 'Here is the road.  Follow it"  Isaiah 30:20-21

 I hadn't seen the third prong in the proverbial fork in the road from where I was until I read that verse.

I could choose the path to the right, which could look something like not going to seminary, remaining at home, continuing to work part-time on staff for my church as the children/youth leader, maybe even become a substitute teacher or a teachers aide in our school district. 

I could choose the path to the left, which could look something like waiting another year or longer before deciding to go to seminary.

Or.

I could stop worrying about the details.  Stop worrying about whether or not I'll be able to do the work.  Stop worrying about how to finance this.  Stop worrying about whether or not my kids are going to be ok.  Stop caring about what the house will look like in the middle of studying for finals.

Just stop.

Just listen.

Listen for the voice of my Lord behind me saying, "Here's is THE road.  Follow it.  THIS is the road I have laid out for you to follow.  THIS is the path you need to take.  Is it going to be easy?  NO.  But trust ME to take care of the details.  Trust IN me that I know what is best for you.  Trust in me to not let you wander.  Trust in me to lead you to where it is I have been calling you since that day I first whispered into your heart.  Trust me.  Walk by faith.  Here is the road.  Follow it."