Another Chapter

Middle School...

Lockers

Multiple teachers

Contacts

Football

Broken arms

Crushes

School Dances

Quiz Bowl

Drums

Getting taller

Peer mentor

Honor Roll

Figuring out life

Searching for identity

Dreaming about the future

Growing in maturity

Over....

A new chapter begins August of 2011

HIGH SCHOOL!!!!

Last Day of School: Litte Dude

Today was the end of Little Dudes first year of preschool.  

He has so loved preschool.  

When I would drop him off he'd skip down the hall, happy and excited.  When I would pick him up, he would run out with a smile on his face and jump into my arms.  

He would hug his best friend and the two of them would walk out to their mommy's vans holding hands.

Today was different.  There was no smile.  No running.  He tried to carry a big brave boy composer.  But his lip quivered just ever so slightly that I knew he was sad. 

We snapped a quick photo with his teacher. 

Then he fell into my arms, buried his head into my neck to hide his face.  

I could feel his warm tears on my neck.  

"Go!  Go!" he whimpered, motioning toward the door wanting to leave.  

Today there was no goodbye hug for his best friend; no walking her to her van.  

Today he just wasn't up to it.  

I tried to get a last day of school picture in the same spot that we took our first day of school picture.  But he just clung to me tighter.  

I'm so glad that he loved preschool that much.  Glad that we decided to keep him there next year rather than moving him into the program at our elementary school.  Sad that his heart was sad.  (I've never had a kiddo react that way to the end of school!!!)  But looking forward to all of the fun and adventure that we will have this summer. 

Hugs

A wise mom of grown children told me once, "Never stop hugging your kids.  Even if they don't like it, keep hugging them.  Because if you stop, they might decide they do want to be hugged by you and how would you know?"

So, I make it a point to hug my boys, all three of them, big, medium and small. 

Little Dude runs and jumps into my arms and squeezes.

BuhBuh lets me hug and kiss him.  But most times his arms dangle at his side.  Unless it's bedtime then he wants a big hug.  I think it's a stall tactic, but I don't care.  If he has a bad dream he still insists on a "good night" kiss to make it all better.

The Boy curls up into a fetal position and squirms.  But I hug him anyway.  It doesn't really hurt my feelings that he doesn't hug back.  Because my job is to let him know that I love HIM

This weekend The Boy and I were at a youth retreat and at the end everyone runs around hugging all of their friends new and old.  

As I was trying to round up my group I was standing there face to face with The Boy; looking up to him.  He leaned in and let me hug him.  We were in the middle of a group of people and he didn't care.  We stood there longer than any other hug we have had recently.  This time it wasn't one sided either.  

Words to Live By

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
— Mother Teresa

Camera Cable FOUND!!!!

YIPPIE!!!!  Here are some pictures of our new 4 year old enjoying his birthday!!!

HAHA!  He's trying to give a double thumbs up!

Birthday Letter

Dear Little Dude,

Happy 4th Birthday, my sweet, little boy!!!!  You have been counting down birthdays until yours since after The Boy's.  First we celebrate Jesus' birthday, then Daddy's.  You knew that yours was coming up after Daddy's.  So then we started to count sleeps.

You woke up this morning and came to our room and knew that you didn't have any more sleeps left!!!  You knew that TODAY was THE day!!!

Then you thought about it.

Perhaps a little more deeply than most little boys your age.

You got that little whimper; crack in your voice as you tried to talk.

"I don't want to be four," you said.  "I want to be three"

You nestled your little head into my neck.  I think I might have even felt a couple of warm crocodile tears on my cheeks.

But then BuhBuh came to your rescue!!!  He said he had something for you....he put one of his toys and some of his guys on a shelf down low and told you that you could play with those toys anytime you liked and you didn't have to ask.

Thanks BuhBuh!!!

We celebrated YOU with some gifts and birthday cinnamon rolls just like we do with your big brothers.  You really enjoyed opening your gifts.  You got some new games, a pillow pet, a Leapster with some games and a soccer ball.

The cool thing about having your birthday fall on a Sunday is that your church family sings to you!!!  You were pretty excited about this and were giving some pretty enthusiastic fist pumps during the special serenade. 

We went out to lunch with some of our church family.  You asked if the restaurant was a good birthday place and were thrilled, as always that they had your favorite.  Chocolate milk!!!  Mommy and Daddy and The Boy had bible study then we came home and played your with your new games.

You are looking forward to your family dinner next Saturday when your aunties and uncles and cousins and grandmas and papa's will all be here.  Mommy is looking forward to it too.

What a fun year it has been to watch you grow and play and learn.

Naps are a thing of the past.  Once summer hit, it was just too hard to keep any kind of a nap schedule.  You do pretty good for the most part and go to bed well at night.  The car can still almost always lull you to sleep.  Which is not good when it's late afternoon.  We go back and forth between streaks of you climbing into our bed at night.  You've been really good about it lately, waiting until the sun comes up before you come in.  That I'm OK with! 

Although you were mostly potty trained prior to your 3rd birthday, there were a couple of more potty training hurdles that we had to conquer.  Which we did this past summer.   YIPPIE!!!

You started participating in the children's ministry programs at Church on Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings.  I love that you are able to be independent from mom for short periods.  You also have loved going to preschool this past school year!  You run into your classroom everyday with so much anticipation and excitement and a couple of hours later run out of the classroom excited to see me.  It's been good for both of us I think.

You have a special friend that you met this year at preschool.  A cute little brunette girl who you hug at the beginning of the day at preschool and once more to say goodbye.  The two of you walk out to your mommy's vans holding hands every day.  It's only cute and allowed because you are this young.  We have discussed how she may not spend the night at your house because it's not appropriate for girls and boys to have sleep overs.  But we have enjoyed a couple of play dates after school with her.  You say she's your best friend; your favorite friend.  You tell me that you will miss her just about every day when we leave school.  I think it's precious that your first best friend is a little dark haired girl, just like both of your big brothers had first best friends who were little girls with dark hair as well.

You love the color yellow.  You have begun to enjoy watching Dora during your TV time in the afternoons.  You love to play games.  You play well with BuhBuh, The Boy, cousins, playgroup friends and church friends.  You love to snuggle with mommy in her bed and read books.  You love to wrestle with your Daddy.  You give me countless hugs and kisses all day long.  I love that.  You give a pretty terrific high five.  Recently you've mastered the "super spin"  and you can tell some pretty hilarious knock-knock jokes.  You like to rev your monster trucks through the house.  Your speech is improving, although we think we will need some speech services next school year.  You say such cute, funny things.  You tell me I'm beautiful then ask if that has melted my heart.  And yes, it does, every time. 

We've had lots of fun adventures this past year.  I've always said that 3 is one of my favorite years.  But, I have to tell ya my sweet boy, I'm REALLY excited for 4!!!  I can't wait to spend this last year home with you before you begin all of the adventures of school that lie ahead.  But not yet!!!  Let's just take it slow, one day at a time enjoying the moments that God gives us.

Happy Birthday my sweet little guy.  Mommy loves you so much!!!!


***editors note:  If I werent' trying to unpack boxes (yes, still!) and get ready for a birthday party on top of the normal things that we do day to day, maybe I could have found my camera cable to share some birthday pictures with you.  But NOOOOO, it wants to remain hidden.*** 

Brothers

BuhBuh:  I like being the middle child

Me:  *grinning*  Oh yeah?  Why is that?

BuhBuh:  Because if I were the oldest I'd only have two younger brothers and no big brother and if I were the youngest I'd only have two older brothers and no younger brothers. 

After this bedtime conversation with BuhBuh, both of these pictures flashed into my mind. 

  

Mark Twain Lake, July 2009

Starved Rock State Park, July 2010

I love both of these pictures of my boys.

They both tell me a story.

They both capture a precious, shared moment between the three of them. 

They both give me insight into each of their hearts.

They both remind me that despite the moments of arguing and fighting that occur;  despite my worrying about whether or not my boys will grow up and be brothers who are friends; despite me worrying about whether or not I'm treating them fairly because of their "birth order;"  I know...I see that there is a bond between them that only the three of them will ever share.

I pray that it will continue to grow stronger through the years.

John Wesley's Historic Questions

In addition to submitting my statement of call to the SPRC, I also had to answer John Wesley's Historic Questions, self-examining questions that have always been asked of those seeking ordination within the United Methodist Church.  the committee needs to reflect upon and weigh into their decision of whether or not to recommend a candidate  Here is what I submitted. 

1.  Do they know God as pardoning God? 

God is love.  God loves me so much that he sent his Son to suffer and die on the cross for me.  It is only by the grace of God that I have been forgiven from the sins of my past, the sins of my present and even from the sins that I am yet to commit.  I know that the grace of God is bigger than any sin that I have committed.  I am forgiven and I am free from being a slave to the sin and the guilt that I once carried.   

Have they the love of God abiding in them? 

It is God, through the Holy Spirit that is alive and active within me, calling me to be the hands and feet of Christ in my home, in my church and in my community and world.  I want to share my love of God with others.  I seek out opportunities to share the love of God with the all that I am privileged to come into contact with, both within the church and outside of the church.  I pray that Christ is reflected in my words and actions.

Do they desire nothing but God? 

My only desire is to live my life loving God and loving others.  My desire is to continue to grow in the grace of God, grow in the wisdom of God and to continue to grow more Christ-like in all that I do. 

Are they holy in all manner of conversation?

I try to speak in such a way that is tender and loving and brings glory to God.   I listen when it’s time to listen and try to provide a positive aspect in negative situations. 

2.   Have the gifts, as well as evidence of God’s grace, for the work? 

I have taken several different spiritual gifts inventories.  The most recent one, on the United Methodist website indicated that my spiritual gift is in teaching with secondary gifts in shepherding, exhortation, compassion, wisdom and faith.  This most recent inventory also reflects the gifts that have appeared in other inventories I have taken, just in a slightly different order.  It is only by God’s grace that I am able to teach youth and children in Christian Education and it is something that I feel that God is currently calling me to do. God provides me with the wisdom needed to lead each class, children’s sermon, devotion or small group that I have had a privilege of leading over the past several years. 

Have they a clear, sound understanding; a right judgment in the things of God; a just conception of salvation by faith? 

Gods’ characteristics are best revealed to us through Jesus’ 3 years of public ministry.  We are created in God’s image and are called to imitate Christ.  As I continue to grow in my faith and study more about Jesus, I become more and more aware of how I am being called to live my life.  There have been many behaviors that I have consciously changed in my life because I feel that they do not reflect Jesus.  John Wesley’s General Rules also offer a good guideline to how we are to live our lives in a way that best reflects Christ; to do no harm and to do good. 

All of us have fallen short of the way God had created us to be.  We are all sinners.  But we are saved from sin when we accept God’s free gift of grace.  Hebrews 11:1 says, “To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see.”  Before someone accepts the free gift of grace and salvation, faith has to already be working in their lives.  Faith is the understanding, acceptance and belief that God does have something more and better to offer us than what we can try to offer ourselves.

Do they speak justly, readily, clearly?

I am always eager and excited to be able to present the message that God has given me to share whether it is in a large group setting, in a small group or in a one-on-one situation.  I am a certified Lay Speaker within the United Methodist Church, and have had the opportunity to speak in other faith based settings outside of the Church.

3.  Have they fruit?  Have any been truly convinced of sin and converted to God, and are believers edified by their service?

Working with kids and youth has been such fun.  The younger ones are sponges and soak up every word you teach.  The youth are beginning to question and search for answers that they can grasp in a world that can be so negative and confusing.  When I am able to tell a teenager the truth about God and the love that God has for her, and I can see the fear that’s been in her fade, that is fruit.  When I see youth reach out to comfort one another, that is fruit.  When I get to watch youth step out of their comfort zone during mission trips and service projects and serve others with their whole heart, that is fruit.  When I see and hear the children singing, full of enthusiasm, in front of the congregation, that is fruit.  When the children repeat back to you something you taught them, that is fruit.  Being asked to be a reference for the college and high school students is also fruit.  When I receive hugs from the little ones through the college kids, that is fruit.  It is a privilege to be part of the seed-planting in the children and youth I serve. I pray that as those seeds are watered and tended to that they continue to produce fruit, even if I don’t get to witness all of it.  I pray that they will in turn be seed-planters for others and get the joy of watching fruit bloom just as I have seen in them.

Statement of Call

One of the steps into candidacy for ordained ministry is to prepare a written statement of call and submit it to the Staff-Pastor Relations Committee within your local church.  After reviewing and interviewing the candidate they then have to vote so that the candidate can move forward with the process. This is what I submitted.

 In April of 2007 we welcomed our third son into our family.  I was living the stay-at-home mom dream and felt privileged to be able to care for my family.  While holding my infant son one day, I reflected on how content and happy I felt.  No sooner after that idea flooded my heart, I heard God whisper.  I didn’t completely understand at the time, but I felt that God had something planned for my life which I needed to be in prayer about.  Even then, although I couldn’t really articulate what God was doing, I knew.  In that moment while holding my son I actually attempted to bargain with God.  I told God that if I wasn’t pregnant again by the time this baby was 2 years old, maybe then we could talk.

God did not wait 2 years.  Over the course of the next year God continued to place different opportunities for me to serve on my heart.  Obediently, I served hoping that would help to quench the ultimate call that God was leading me towards. 

Just a year after I had tried to “make a deal,” God was no longer whispering, but making sure that I was getting the message loud and clear.  God spoke to me while I was serving on my first mission trip, in scripture and bible study and through songs that played on the radio every time I was in my car.  While preparing to serve on my first Walk to Emmaus Team the Holy Spirit was working on my heart so much that I was overwhelmed with emotion while listening to a Pastor speak.  It became obvious to me that I no longer could ignore or push aside God calling me into ministry any longer.

Despite acknowledging that God was calling me into ministry, I became very confused on the specifics.  I felt very strongly that I was being called to attend seminary but was certain, however, that I was not being called into Pastoral Ministry.  After much prayer, study and talking to others, I learned of the Order of Deacons in the United Methodist Church.  I instantly realized that was the path God was calling me to pursue. 

I feel very strongly that my first call is in our home to my husband and children.  Accepting this call into ordained ministry has been a struggle.  However, when I finally accepted and acknowledged the direction God is leading me, I was filled with a calming, affirming peace.  I have not felt any pressure to rush this process as long as I am pursuing it at a pace that will allow me to be ready for seminary when my youngest begins kindergarten.  God has continued to re-affirm my call over the past few years, which has helped me to remain confident that this is the path I am to continue to follow.

During this season of prayer, study and searching for clarity in the ways that God has called me, and throughout this candidacy process, I have clung to Philippians 2:13 (NLT) “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.”  I know that I can not do what God has called me to do on my own.  The only way I can continue to pursue and fulfill this call, is to trust that it is God who is equipping me for both this candidacy process and ordained ministry.  I am merely a humble servant of an awesome, redeeming, God. 

Spring Break Vacation

One of my favorite things is to take vacations with my family.  It gives us a break from the everyday.  It gives us an escape from the busy.  It gives us intentional time together to have fun and enjoy one another without the worry of the calendar, clock or to-do list.

Our Spring Break vacation was split between Walt Disney World in Orlando and Grandma and Grandpa's Florida house in Fort Myers.

 I know Little Dude won't remember his first trip to Walt Disney World .  But it's pretty special to watch a 3-year old experience the excitement of Disney World for the first time and to be part of that excitement and joy with them. 

 

Although BuhBuh had been to Walt Disney World 5 years ago, we really got to watch him experience it all over again.  

 

He rode several roller coasters, often times putting up a fight to not ride them, but was always so happy when he did.  

Oh!  And he got to have a little light saber battle.  

 

Although he asked if he could battle on the dark side (sigh) he thought it was pretty cool. 

The Boy was such a trooper.  He did get to ride several roller coasters which he enjoyed.  But he was a good helper with his brothers. 

 

 

He never complained when we rode on the "kid" rides.  

 

I was worried that he wasn't having any fun.  This was the first vacation that I actually worried and wondered about that.  But when we got home he did tell me that he had fun.  My Sweetie and I realized as we walked out of the Magic Kingdom at 1 in the morning on our last "night" in the parks, that he might not be with us the next time we go. 

We really crammed a lot of the Disney Experience into a short amount of time.  We walked a lot, ate very little, slept very little, but had a ton of fun.  

After the Extreme Disney part of the trip, we drove to Fort Myers to stay with My Sweetie's parents at their Florida home.  We spent one day looking for alligators in the Everglades.

 

The rest of the time there we spent relaxing on the beach. 

It was BuhBuh's and Little Dude's first time to the ocean. All three boys had a blast playing in the water, digging in the sand and searching for shells. 

I had a blast sitting in my chair watching and soaking up the memories. 

Dinner Party Rules

I have a rule when we have company over.  To not be a Martha when guests are in my home!  (Luke 10:39-42)

We had friends over for dinner one Friday evening.  There were a total of 16 of us!!!!  We've done it before.  But we don't do it nearly as often as we should. 

One thing is for sure though.  

The time sitting around visiting and playing games and listening to the (10!!!) kids play is far more important than doing the dishes while they are all here.

My awesome husband told me to come to bed after they had all left.  I was a little uncomfortable with this as I was leaving in the morning with some kids from church to attend a kids conference.  (working on not being as much of a Martha with my family!) But I went to bed and then left the mess and came home that afternoon to it all cleaned up.  Bonus!!!

As we wait with much anticipation of warmer weather, we can't wait to get outside and enjoy life here in the Yellow House on the Prairie.....it's a little chilly still, but we've managed to get a preview of the fun that spring and summer surely will bring.

Fun with Daddy

I wonder how much longer they will be able to do this? 

Treasure Chest

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  Matthew 6:19-21

 The Boy just recently finished a book on the Holocaust in his Language Arts class. They had to come up with a PowerPoint what they would put in a "treasure chest" that would create change in the world.  They needed graphic images and a description on each point. Then they had to write an essay taking what they had on their PowerPoint and making some connections to the story they had just read. I have the privilege of being his editor. Other than some minor technical errors, I have to say, this mama's heart was so proud of the work he did that I don't think I would have minded   what grade he got. 

My treasure chest for change has five items they are a twenty sided die (d20), a lantern, salt, hands, and a compass.

My first item is a d20. I would have a d20 because there are so many ways it could land. You never know where life is going to take you. In the Holocaust, the Jews were treated unfairly. Their die did not roll in their favor.

My second item is a lantern. When times are bad and dark you need to be the light of the world for others and show them the right path to follow. The Jews in the Holocaust definitely needed a light for there world and many didn’t survive.

My third item is salt. If salt has lost its flavor it becomes useless. Salt is to remind me to not live life just going through the motions. Life can become boring and loose flavor. If you change it up and step out of the crowd, you can be different. For the sufferers of the Holocaust when their family member died or got sent to a work or concentration camp they would morn and lose there taste and they just went through the motions of life.

The next item in my treasure chest is a pair of hands. We can use our hands for many things such as serving others and helping other people in need. We as humans have the capability to do greatness. The sad thing is we don’t. We sit at home and play video games and text our friends all day. We need to get active and give a helping hand to those in need. In the time of World War II people suffered all across the world but were in better shape than the Jews. The United States needed t o help with the war sooner than we did.

Finally I have a compass. We need to follow a compass. Not the one everyone else follows, but the one that less and less people follow each day. You might think the benefits of the crowd are good and rewarding, but they aren’t. It will lead you to a place you don’t want to be. So that’s why you need to follow the compass I follow. Some people were not following the right compass such as the Nazis who killed innocent people who supposedly were to blame for Germany losing WII.

What I learned is how others don’t do as they should. They feel they are better than others because of hair color, eye color, how tall you are, and religion. We should follow the golden rule first spoken over two thousand years ago, “Do to others as you would have them do to you” Luke 6:31.

In case you were wondering, he got a 100% and a nice compliment from his teacher.

Lost

I can't believe that I forgot about Valentines Day!!!!!

The pictures have been living in my camera.  OOPS!

We celebrated on Sunday the 13th because the 14th The Boy had High School orientation and I didn't want to be rushed. 

 

We had our traditional candle light dinner of chocolate fondue with lots of yummy dippers.

Little Dude had been sleeping.  We didn't want him to miss out so we woke him up.  Sort of.

I think this is one of their favorite meals of the entire year.  

It's a sweet way to celebrate with the loves of my life. 

Photo Op

It melts my heart when I walk into the living room and see BuhBuh snuggled up on the couch reading a story to Little Dude. 

It was a really sweet moment that I wanted to capture.

But I just wasn't sneaky enough.....

Lots O Mommies!!!

While in the check out lane at Target, Little Dude was sitting in the cart shaking his head back and forth really fast.....

Little Dude:  WHOA!!!!!  I SEE LOTS O MOMMIES!!!!!!!!!!

Who Loves You???

Little Dude:  God loves me.

Me:  You're right!  God does love you.  Who else loves you?

Little Dude:  You.

Me:  You're right!  Who else loves you?

Little Dude:  UNDERWEAR!!!!!!!!  ***an eruption of 3-year old giggles***

Bedtime Stories

The boys listened intently to a story I had read to them several times before.  The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper.

You know the one.

A train filled with toys and good food for the children at the other end of the mountain breaks down.  A Shiny New Engine comes by and is asked to help pull the train to the other side of the mountain but the Shiny New Engine is a passenger engine and says, "I pull the likes of you?  Indeed not!" and leaves.

A Big Strong Engine comes by and the dolls and toys ask if he can pull them to the other side of the mountain.  The Big Strong Engine is a Freight Engine that pulls trains of big machines over the mountains and is too important to pull the train of toys and food for the children over the mountain.

A third engine approaches; Rusty Old Engine also says he can not pull the train because he is just too tired.

The the Little Blue Engine comes by and is asked to pull the train to the other side of the mountain.  Even though the Little Blue Engine is much smaller than the other engines, agrees to pull the them over the mountain and believes in herself so much that she is able to do just that.

As I read, BuhBuh interrupted about half way through the story.  "Mom.  This story reminds me of that story from the Bible.  The one where people keep on passing by the guy laying on the road."

"The story of the Good Samaritan?"  I asked.

"YEAH!!  That one!!!" 

I paused a moment to soak in what he said then continued reading.  When I closed the book we compared it to the familiar parable.

The first three engines to pass by the broken train were all bigger and much more capable of pulling the load over the mountain but refused.  They felt like they were too good or too important to do such a job.

In the parable of the Good Samaritan the the priest and the Levite that passed by the injured man were the two who should have stopped to help but refused and ignored the man laying on the road.  I wonder if they felt like they were too good or too important to care for the injured many?

The Little Blue Engine was much smaller and not as capable as the other engines but thought about the boys and girls on the other side of the mountain who would be so happy when the train arrived and did the right thing.

The Samaritan was not the likely choice to stop and help the injured man.  The Jewish people and the Samaritans typically despised one another.  Yet this Samaritan knew what the right thing to do was.

BuhBuh struggles a with reading and comprehension at times.  But the fact that he was able to recognize and compare The Little Engine that Could with the parable of the Good Samaritan warmed this mama heart on so many levels.

He pointed something out to me that I hadn't ever thought about before. 

He does understand and comprehend what is being read and I was assured that reading won't always be as much of a struggle.

The word of God is on his heart.

Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”   Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”  Luke 10:36-37

Intentionally Growing Part Two: Marriage

16 years ago My Sweetie and I started dating.  Our 15 year anniversary is coming up in June.



What a milestone!!  Our relationship has not been without bumps and hurdles and at times mountains to climb.  But I wouldn't chose anyone else to partner with on this journey.

 Even though I think we have a good marriage, I still want it to grow into something more.  I don't ever want us to be strangers to one another because we didn't intentionally take the time to grow our relationship.  My children, ministry work and care of the home usually take up most of my time.  I have to work every day to give my husband the best of my time because if I don't things just don't work.  There are plenty of days when I don't and I can feel the distance that builds between us when I'm not intentionally making him a priority.

While reading the blog of Jill Savage, CEO and Founder of a wonderful organization called, Hearts at Home, I was once again reminded of the importance of being in a constant state of  intentionally growing in your marriage.  Every Monday she partners with her husband to write about marriage.  The title of the blog was, "What is it like to be married to me?"  (EEK!!!  Do I really want to know??)  There is a book by the same title written by Linda Dillow which they based this blog post on. Jill and her husband Mark write,

Jill: Becoming better requires us to more often look at ourselves than pointing the finger at our spouse.  That’s usually not our default way of handling frustration.  Most of us are quick to blame and pray under our breath, “God, change him…quick!” or “God, change her….now!”

Mark: But maturity responds to frustration with, “God, please change me.”  It’s a much harder prayer to pray…but a much more effective one.  Why?  Because the only person you I can change in my marriage is me.

 Did you see that last part??

"Maturity responds to frustration with 'God, please change me.'

No matter how hard we try.  No matter how long and passionate our prayers are.  The ONLY person we can change in a marriage is us.

Asking God to change us rather than our spouses is a very intentional prayer and a good boost in the right direction of intentionally growing a marriage.

For the first 5 years of our marriage I wasted a lot of time of hoping that My Sweetie was different or treated me differently, or would just accept me for who I was.  And when those changes in him didn't happen I gave up on our marriage.  I called it quits without even really trying to work things out but rather telling him our marriage was over.  

In my rock bottom moment of that situation, I realized that I was the one who needed to make a change.  I am such a different person now that I barely recognize the wife I was early on in our marriage.  Thank God for grace, right?!?!

There have still been moments of peeks and valley's in our marriage since then and I am still having to pray for God to change me, but we've come a long way. 

It is a daily, intentional, choice for me to put aside anything that didn't get finished at the end of the day and spend time with My Sweetie.  Kids are to be in bed or in their rooms before 8:30.  The rest of the evening is set aside for just the two of us.

The other night My Sweetie called and asked if I would meet him around 5 p.m. to meet up with one of his clients.

It was a Thursday night.  I needed to do spelling with the kids.  Little Dude needed a bath.  They needed dinner.  I had spent the morning scrubbing floors and the afternoon grocery shopping.  I was tired and not looking the role of "corporate wife" at all.  This just wasn't work.

No was really the easy answer.

I could tell that he really wanted me to join him. I knew that this would really make him happy and I knew I was really just making excuses for not wanting to make an intentional effort to make My Sweetie happy.

So I made it work.  Homework was completed, dinner was healthy, yet simple and our 14-year old would be fine for a few hours watching a movie with his brothers while we were gone.

I met My Sweetie in one of the nearby downtown areas that sits along the Mississippi River and we walked together to meet his client.  We visited for a while then left, strolling hand in hand on a beautiful, warm February evening with the sounds of the city surrounding us.  We checked in at home and decided to stay out a little longer and had a fantastic dinner together before heading home just in time to put our three-little monkey's to bed.

We both curled up on the couch after they were all tucked in talking of what a great night it was.  It was somewhat a spontaneous date night, yet it did require me to get a little uncomfortable about leaving on a school night.  But the extra effort it took so that we could spend some time together was well worth it.