December 31-Happy New Year

December 31

Happy New Year

2007 is coming to a quick end. WOW! What a difference a year can make in the lives of your children. Our family grew by one this year with the birth of our 3rd son, Samuel David. It has been such a blessing to have the gift of a baby in the house again. Matthew is in his last year of elementary school. He seems to be finding some good friends this year and finding his place amongst his peers; an answered prayer being that this is something I have been worried about in the past. He began playing the drums this year, his primary sport focus in soccer and his grades are average although I KNOW he could do better. Lucas is in his second and last year of PreK. What a funny kid! Sometimes when I laugh at the funny things he has said I wonder if I should actually be worried. He doesn't display quite the compassion that Matthew does, but is very helpful around the house and has a huge imagination. He was able to play soccer for the first time this year and was estatic that daddy was his coach. Chad and I have been riding the pregnancy/newborn roller coaster. He does his thing and I do mine and then we are both so tired (well, me mostly) to have any husband and wife time together other than stare blankly at the TV screen. I miss my husband and although I am loving having a baby around again I don't like the consequence of the effect it seems to have on my marriage.

So, with the New Year upon us of course I had to come up with my GOALS for the New Year. They may seem long, maybe a bit too thought out and organized, but I like things to be focused and specific. So here it is...

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

2008 Theme:

To establish and maintain a balance between the God who created me, the husband who swept me off my feet and the children who have melted my heart.

Priority Statement:

To be the wife my husband deserves and the mother my children need.

I will continue to strengthen my relationship with God

1. Spend as much, if not more, time WITH God in addition to DOING FOR God
2. Honor the Sabbath as a family
3. We will tithe both salary and commission in 2008
4. Continue with Bible Studies
5. Find some solitude once a day for self study and journaling
6. Make Saturday Morning accountability group a priority

I will make family, friends and taking care of myself a priority

Husband

1. Once a month dates with Chad

2. Overnight get away with Chad

3. Welcome him home every night in the driveway with a hug and kiss

4. Do something to surprise/bless him every week

Children

1. Continue to reinforce the importance of God and faith (bible reading, scripture memorization, WR4K, Sunday School, camp, mission projects)

2. Teach more responsibility. Get kids more involved with household chores.

3. Demand respect be given to everyone

4. Enforce “no screen” days and hours in the home

5. Don’t over schedule the kids. No more than one activity at a time (in addition to church and school) during the school year. No more than two activities at a time (in addition to church) in the summer

6. Come up with some team building projects for Matthew and Lucas to do together

Family/Friends

1. Send cards for birthday’s, anniversaries, thank you’s and thinking of you’s

2. Accomplish Samuel’s 1^st year scrapbook

3. Accomplish Matthew’s K-3^rd scrapbook pages

4. Have once a month weekend meal with different friends/family

5. Have lunch/dinner with Kathy once a month

6. Re-establish more regular playgroup meetings

7. Have a girls only overnight somewhere

Self

1. Make time for a daily time of solitude (see above)

2. Observe 31^st Day as a day to re-evaluate family plan and have a ME day

I will set up an effective plan to manage my home and focus my mission

Home

1. Reorganize and set up desk as an effective place to manage home and mission projects

2. Schedule NOTHING during the day on Mondays. (exception: special functions for the kids at school)

3. Choose one other day of the week (according to schedule) to be an “At Home” work day and one day as an “Errand day” as needed.

4. Break home into weekly zones and accomplish 1-2 projects in that zone each week. (Week One: Kids Rooms; Week Two: Kitchen; Week Three: Bedroom; Week Four: Living/Dining/Bathroom; Week Five: Area of most need)

5. Menu plan and make shopping lists accordingly and keep a running list of other home items needed to cut down on extra trips to store and frivolous item.

6. Use salary pay checks for bills. Commission pay checks are for savings and special projects only…not to supplement the month due to overspending.

7. Adopt a new “Green” habit every month

Mission

To teach children/youth about God’s love for them and the awesome gift He gave us in His son Jesus Christ.

To live my life as an example and response to God’s grace

To reach out to those in greater need than myself

1. To prioritize my commitments to the Church that reflect my mission for 2008 while honoring my commitments to my family I can plan and plan and hope and hope for anything my little heart desires I suppose. But, like the Proverb stated above, it's the Lord who will determine my steps. So, as long as I stay flexible and keep my ears and eyes open to what GOD wants, I'm sure that this New Year will be full of blessings. I'm looking foward to watching my kids grow, learn and enjoy life from their individual perspectives this next year.

Our little "Buh-Buh"

Poor kid! Since he was born we've called L Buh-Buh. Is that a terrible nickname or what?

L is 4 now...just had a birthday. I have such a different relationship with him than I do his older brother because I've been home with him since day one. He's been my baby, my little buddy and it's been great. (I could go into the guilt I feel for not being there for M as much but that's a different post!) I am very guilty of babying him and letting him get away with things I wouldn't have ever let his brother get away with.

He's in PreK this year and LEAVES ME EVERYDAY for FOUR HOURS!!!!!!! Can you believe it??? It's really been a good thing for him (and me). I can tell that he's learning and I can tell that he's enjoying it.

L is ALL BOY! He LOVES anything that has wheels and a motor. Has for years now. I could probably take away all of his toys and just leave a big box of cars and trucks and he'd be content for life.

He is also a very onrey little boy. He will purposely torment his brother just to get a reaction. He says things that make you wonder where it came from. Today for example I asked if he wanted a baby brother or a baby sister. He told me he wanted a brother. I asked him what he would do if the baby was a girl. His response, "I'm going to leave the house." I'm sooooo bad because sometimes even though he's being naughty I can't help but laugh! And HE KNOWS IT! I fear that he's going to be one of those sneaky kids.

He's a cool kid for all of his special reasons that are completely different than all of the special reasons his brother is a cool kid. He makes us smile and laugh everyday and has been such a joy to our lives.

I KNOW that God has big plans for this little guy of ours. After a year of trying to have a baby with no luck, my husband and I found ourselves separated for reasons having nothing to do with trying to have a baby. After 6 months we were back together and I decided that I was going to leave my job to be a stay-at-home mom and recommit myself to my husband and family. Within weeks of us being back together we conceived L. Such an awesome gift from God. I will cherish it, treasure it and nurture it the best that I can.

My First Born Boy

So my son M brings home in his folder in the SAME day a science test with an "F" and a permission slip to do a gifted screening test on him. Ironic?

We had a little discussion that maybe he needs to bring his book home to study before a test. His reply, "But they didn't tell us to." His teacher was nice enough to let him correct his test for some extra credit points. However, he still didn't bring his book home!

I figured we'd go ahead with the gifted screening. He's been fortunate enough these past several years to be involved in the gifted pull-out program. I think he is a very smart little boy; I think he's a lot like his dad. Very intelligent but lacks to see the big picture and importance of trying and working your hardest for the grades you deserve. The test I think will show us just what his capabilities are and give me some better ground for pushing him harder or letting up a little.

He was definitely a super-star soccer player last night. In fact this whole season he's been quite impressive. He's really blossomed into an aggressive, skilled player. Last night when he was playing forward he was able to dribble the ball down the field, maneuver the ball around one defender, maneuver the ball around the second defender and then kick the ball into the corner of the goal to score. It was just awesome! Both my hubby and I (who were on opposite sides of the field) said we got a little choked up about it.

I don't know if it the age, but he has developed this attitude this year. Just a real smart mouth, disrespectful attitude towards us and I even see him treat other adults that way. I don't want to be crabbing to him about his behavior all of the time, but it really needs to stop. I know with the pre-teen/teen years approaching rapidly there will be attitudes and struggles. But I really want us to remain civil and not become a mother-son who yell at each other.

I do think I expect more out of him because he is the oldest. I feel guilty about it a lot but still press on. I need to remember that he's only 9 (almost 10) and not 18. I can be such a control freak when it comes to my kids. I need to trust in God a whole lot more, pray more for my kids rather than getting frustrated with them when all they are doing is acting their age.

He really is a good boy. He does well in school, doesn't get into trouble while there, has a huge loving heart and has such and can just be an all around fun kid. I can hardly believe that it was almost 10 years that I held his tiny 6 lb 2 oz body close to my and snuggled his sweet bald head. I worry about my parenting with him because I'm young and I just don't want to "mess up". I just want to love him and equip him with everything he needs to know for life. Isn't that what we all want for our children?

Amazed

Just about everyone is in the "know" of our happy news. Our son turned 4 last Saturday so we put both boys in T-Shirts that said "I have a secret" on the front. The back said, "I'm going to be a Big Brother" Our M's shirt also said the word, "Again". Our siblings were all excited for us.

We've also told most of our closest friends. They too are very excited for us.

I've just been filled with so many "warm fuzzies" this past week as we've shared our news because it's been such a different reaction from our other two pregnancies. Not that people weren't happy for us but there were other circumstances in our lives during both of those times that I'm sure caused some concerns on whether or not it was the "right" time for us to be having a baby. But I know that the other pregnancies were at the "right" time because all things are on God's time...not ours.

I've just had so many warm hugs and sweet loving words it's just been great!

We had a 10 week ultra sound on Thursday. I am still in amazement over the miracle of life growing inside of me. The changes that there has been in 4 short weeks, the fact that Peanut is just 3.48 cm. long and I can see FINGERS and to be able to see the baby moving its arms and legs and opening its mouth....it's all just so cool! I have my first appointment with my mid-wife on Monday. We have been officially released from the specialist. YAY!!

Life has sure been keeping me on my toes the past couple of weeks. Commitments outside of the house, field trips and sports for the kids, homework, a new Bible study, (WITH HOMEWORK) L's bday party, and then there's the laundry and regular day to day mess that keeps piling up at home. Yesterday I was sure I was drowning. Thankfully, the woozies seem to have subsided but the sleepies are still there. They hit me hard around 5 o'clock after a day of mom/wife duties. Making for a very cranky wife for my poor husband and kids at times.

Fall is defiantly in the air. The cool crisp weather has been lovely. I want to go pick apples this weekend....between raindrops! In a few weeks we'll hop in the car for a drive up north a bit to see the beautiful trees. This is by far my most favorite time of year.

Hopefully, I can find some more time to write. I truly enjoy it but when there are so many other things that need to be done I have mommy guilt that I need to work, work, work rather than relax and take time for myself.

Blessings to you all....

I Remember...

5 years ago I was at home with my then 4-year old son. He was in the living room watching his cartoons and I was just going about my morning. The phone rang and it was my husband. It was a shock to hear his voice on the other end because we had been separated for several months and were in the process of a divorce.

"Are you watching television?" It was the most civil he had talked to me in months.

"No, why?" I asked.

He proceeded to tell me what had happened and I watched the news in shock.

"This is bad, really bad," I remember him saying.

After getting off the phone with him I called a couple of friends from work. I worked at a television station in the production department. I was a news geek....there was breaking news and I knew I had to get to work.

I quickly dressed and got my son ready for and dropped him off at day care and was at my station by 10:30 that morning. I usually worked a second shift position. But everyone was there in the control room. I took my seat next to the director and that's basically where I sat for the next 12 hours.

When we weren't on our network we were doing local cut ins. It was a fly-by-the seat of your pants day. This was what news was all about. The adrenaline rush carried me through the day.

At one point I called my husband. I needed to hear his voice. When he returned my call he was short with me and I almost regretted that decision. He asked about when I was going to get on my own health insurance because he had some papers to sign at work. Our country was under attack and THIS is what he has to say to me?

Most people chose to sit and watch the events unfold. I didn't because I was part of making it unfold for people. I couldn't escape it. As I watched one of the network reporters get choked up towards the end of his story I realized how much worse so many people are right now than myself. Here I was in the middle of a divorce with my husband for selfish reasons and there were people out there wondering where their loved ones were.


I remember the images from that horrific day. But mostly I remember how I felt. Scared; confused; like my life was spinning out of control. I had nighmares for a long time after. I called them "end of the world" nightmares. I haven't had any in a long while which is good I suppose.

I worked at least 12 hours that day, not getting home until late. That night, I slept in my bed that my husband and I shared. Neither of us had moved out during the separation and I had been sleeping in my son's room on a mattress on the floor. But I just needed to be near my husband that night; needed to feel him somewhat close; needed to feel safe. I was back in at work by 6 a.m. the next day to direct the morning news and put in another 12 hours at least.

On Sept. 13th my husband and I had our first counseling session. Although there were many more rough spots in the months ahead I eventually called off the divorce; just in time for Christmas. I don't know if I would have been so willing to work on things with him had it not been for September 11th; had my life not been put into perspective for me that day; had I not realized how short life is.

My heart continues to break and weep for those who were affected by this tragedy in a direct way.

If you have a 9/11 story that you would like to share...post it on your blog and go to Rocks in my Dryer and add your name to the Mr. Linky and read what others have written as well.

Blessings....

Random Ramblings

I haven't felt very "bloggy" lately. Just haven't had a whole lot to ramble about. So here are just a few random things to report on from the Laundry Trenches.

Kids are getting into the swing of things with school. M who is in 4th grade is yet to bring any homework home. He's been able to get it done in school, which is good. We have been working nightly on spelling words which can be a struggle in itself. It's 20 words...and they aren't terribly hard. He just doesn't like to have to WORK for his grades. Math and science are easy for him....spelling and English are a little more challenging and he gets frustrated when it takes a little extra work. Soccer has also started....practices right now and games start next Thursday. I can hardly imagine that he's going to be 10 in a couple of months. He's already sporting that pre-teen attitude and disrespect lately. Which I'm sure is just a phase but I'm really starting to feel grouchy for having to correct him ALL OF THE TIME!

L really seems to be enjoying preK. He gets off the bus each day at noon and I ask him if he had a good day. He says, "Yeah, I want to go back there again!" So cute! I'm already beginning to notice him using some of what he's learned at home. They've been talking about good and bad social skills, how to be awesome cleaners and their teacher taught them some sign language today! In church he's actually been PARTICIPATING in the singing!!! He NEVER did that before! The preK teachers were a little worried about him because when we were in for his screening last spring he showed some separation anxiety problems. But he's been doing great! He has his first field trip next week. It should be exciting!!!

The peanut must be doing well because I'm still battling the woozies and the sleepies. But it's all good!!! Tomorrow we have another u/s with the nurse at the RE's office then we jaunt over to my OB's office and visit with my midwife's nurse! I keep thinking that this will be our last Halloween as a family of 4....our last Thanksgiving, our last Christmas....by Mother's Day we'll take the annual mom and kids pictures....and there will be one more!!! Like I told my best friend today, I'm trying to NOT anticipate my due date too much. This has been something we've wanted for so long and now that we finally have it I want to ENJOY every second of it! Especially the icky ones! This very well could be our last pregnancy also. We won't do what we did this last time to get pregnant again. If it is God's will for us to have more kids, He will make it happen. If not, then that's is OK too.

My hubby has been GREAT and very supportive. I've really been slacking in my "job" lately. He does his job during the day, comes home and helps with dinner and dishes and kids. I've promised him that his lovely wife will return soon. I would like us to have maybe a couple of dates between now and the time baby gets here. Mostly because since I'm nursing baby will always be with me for the next year after it gets here.

I'm looking forward to next week. Lots of things to keep me busy! It will either kill me or do a world of good for me! I find when I have other things to focus on the woozies and sleepies aren't as bad. There will defiantly be plenty to focus on next week!

Something for Fun

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My 'Wittle Peanut

I didn't even realize that I hadn't posted about my ultra sound yet! I haven't even been on the computer since Friday night which is good I suppose. Friday and Saturday were pretty decent days in terms of the wozzies and the sleepies. And then I made up for it on Sunday! Today isn't looking so great either.

So, we went in and had our ultra sound on Friday morning. There was one little sack with one little heart beat! It is just so cool that something that is a whole whopping 3 mm long can have a heartbeat of 111 beats per minute. **Falling in love with my 'wittle peanut already**

My hubby was SOOOO relieved to see just one. If it had been twins it would have been a little scary but I know we would have handled it. I wasn't sure if I could physically nurse two babies. But now I know with one there will be no problem.

The u/s tech was moving the wand thing around and asked if I'd been nauseous at all. I replied YES! She had found a cyst that is related to pregnancy that causes that. Then she went to the other side and found a second one! UGH! I told hubby that he can't make fun of me any more because there is now documented medical evidence for my woozies! LOL!

We still haven't told anyone else. I think we'll tell the rest of the family at our sons bday party on Sept. 16th. We will still be in the first trimester but nearing the end within a few weeks. After that maybe we can start to let some of our other friends know and come the end of the first tri we'll share the news with our church family.

Turning into a Blogger PRO!

LOOKIE!!! LOOKIE!!! Look what I did today! I added links to all of the blogs that I read!!! I'm so excited!! I'm just like the "cool kids" now!! It took a few tries to figure it out but I DID IT!!!!!! WOO-HOO!!!!

Having a proud moment!

Small Victories

Despite the woozies, the sleepies and the crabbies I am just so blessed to finally be pregnant. Since we began this journey over 2 years ago I have learned a lot. I'm a different person; a different wife; a different mom. I know that God intended us to have this struggle so I could be where I am now in my life before He blessed us with another child. This process has given me a greater appreciation for the female body and how it works, for conception and for the gift of life; It has given me patient; It has taught me the importance of celebrating even the small victories in life.

Today started off as slow as it has been the past several days. But once I got showered and my Hubby laid some pretty awesome kisses on me before heading out today I had a burst of energy. I was able to dust and clean the glass and do a detail vacuum job in my living/dining area. I was able to tidy up the bathroom and wash several blankets all before L got off the bus at noon. By the time I got him lunch and he was playing with his toys I was feeling a little tired so I laid on the couch and watched some TV. I got yet another burst of energy and was able to tidy up the kitchen and put laundry away. YAY for small victories!!!! I hope that I'm able to continue to maintain my home and provide for my family during this first trimester despite the woozies and sleepies and crabbies. Thankfully my hubby is WONDERFUL and willing to help me in anyway I need him to.

The one thing that has changed the most over the past two years is that I have gained a greater, deeper appreciation for my children. I realize now more than ever what miracles they BOTH are and how lucky I am to be their mom.

Mommy the Grouch!

I've felt so grouchy lately! At my husband at my kids. I just haven't felt like a very nice person. I can usually bite my tongue on a lot of things because i just don't want to be that way. But today when I went into the kitchen to find a tub of melted ice cream with ANTS EVERYWHERE I lost it! Then I realized how I sounded and had been sounding the past couple of days. I've been consciously trying to prevent myself from throwing up and passing out from exhaustion that I sort of forgot about my manners along the way. OOPS!!

Our last blood test we had showed that everything was progressing the way it should be with this pregnancy. My HCG level had been 460 the first day and four days later it was 2,146!!!! It's suppose to double every 72 hours....I'm such an overachiever!
We have our first ultra sound on FRIDAY!!!!!! I'm very anxious to see the heartbeat. I'm anxious to see how MANY heartbeats there are. One would be a blessing....two would be a double blessing. Three I might freak out a little. I'm worried about how I'll feel if I only see one heartbeat. I've been preparing myself for the possibility of twins that I'm worried I'll be disappointed if there's just one. As long as there is a healthy heartbeat that I can see I will be celebrating!

It has been so hard not to be able to share this news with all of the people who know what we've been going through. All of the people who have been hoping and praying for this for us as much as we have. I've had several people ask how things are going and I've just replied "GOOD!" and tried to not say anything more than that. Hubby says maybe in another 6 weeks we can tell people. I think he's CRAZY if he thinks I can wait another 6 weeks! Maybe we can split the difference and wait another 3 weeks.

BuhBuh is home from school today. He threw up this morning right after drinking a big glass of milk. He was so devastated about having to miss school. I tried to explain to him that we can't go to school when we are sick. He said, "but it's all gone now." Poor guy! He's been fine ever since. Has gobbled down 3 pieces of toast and some applesauce. Might go ahead and let him eat regular food for dinner.

First Day of School

My oldest went back on Wednesday. He said he liked his teacher; said he was funny. Today is his first FULL day of school. I can't believe he's in the 4th grade this year! Amazing! We're really trying to encourage straight A's on his report card. Not because we put a huge value on grades, but because we KNOW he is capable!




Today I put my 3 year old on the bus. **GASP** Our elementary school has a PreK program that he will be attending 5 days a week for the morning. I wasn't going to put him on the bus but it really wasn't for any other reason than my own mommy issues. I figured it would be good for him to know how to ride the bus because they take field trips every month and who knows what things will be like towards the end of the school year. He did great! I cried! He seemed to of had a good first day. He told me he wants to go back.



The house sure was quiet this morning. I cleaned the bathroom floor, did some laundry and prepared my Sunday School lesson. I think once I get use to having my mornings to myself I'll be amazed at how fast it goes before he's already home! It will give me a great opportunity to catch up as much as I can on my scrapbooking before baby comes in April. And maybe I can get this house nice and organized! Lord knows with more than 2 children I'm going to NEED it!

Next week is a full week of full days. Surely we'll be getting into the swing of things with our schedules and routines.

Which Way to Heaven?

Do you ever think about death and where we go after we die? I absolutely believe in Heaven. I use to think that everyone went to heaven. But the bible does say that Heaven is only for those who have accepted Jesus as their savior and believe that he died for our sins and rose from the dead. In a perfect world and because God loves all of us so much, I wish everyone were able to go to Heaven; if somehow, someway, Jesus himself were able to rescue those who may have otherwise fallen short either a little or a lot and bring them home. But no one really knows this for sure. What we do know is what the bible tells us.

John 3:16 says it all really: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son so that whoever believed in him would not perish but have eternal life" I also like John 14:6 which says: "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

I think these two passages really sum up the reality of how to get to Heaven. It makes me sad when I think about all of the people who don't feel this way. Especially when it's the people I love.

My husband's faith has grown a lot since our Walk to Emmaus this past March. But I still wonder about what he feels and believes exactly.

One day I asked him, "Will I see you in Heaven?"

"You bet," he answered. "But I don't think you go to Heaven as a couple, I think you go up there as individuals."

His answered made me feel a little better. I told him that was ok with me. As long as I knew that I'd see his smile.

As we were sitting through a funeral service for my husbands uncle yesterday I listened to all of this beautiful scripture in regards to Heaven. I wondered if his uncle was a believer; wondered if his uncle was in Heaven, stuff like that. Then I began to wonder about the others sitting in that room and what they believed. As I sat there relishing in the words from the Bible and drew a strength and a peace from it, I wondered how much of the Word was being soaked up by others.

As we were driving to the cemetery my husband said "With all of those nice things (scripture) being said, I wonder how much of it fell upon deaf ears."

I told him that I had been thinking the same sort of thing.

"That's ok," he said, "They still have time."

Now this REALLY warmed my heart when he said this and cleared away even more of the fuzziness that I had in regards to his faith.

As much as I would love to take all of those I love by the hand and lead them to a relationship with Christ I know that's not the way. The way is to pray for them, to show them Christ's love through my life, and be there loving them regardless all of the days of their lives. Maybe I'll touch a heart or two along the way.

Still Sinking In

On Thursday My Sweetie wanted me to take another test. Yep! It was STILL positive. So, I called my RE's office and they wanted me to come in for some bloodwork to check my progestrone and HCG levels.

The nurse had called back before I even got home and she was very enthusiastic. I called her back and she said that she was hoping for a progestrone level higher than 12. Mine was 40! She was hoping for a HCG level of at least 100. Mine was 460!! I go back again on Monday and the progestrone number needs to have continued to climb and the HCG needs to have at least doubled. Then she said we'd schedule a ultra sound appt. to see if we can find a heartbeat. I asked her if that's when we'll know how many heartbeats there are and she said yes. She reminded me that I did have 2 mature follicles and that my levels WERE pretty high. So, I'm thinking my chances for more than one are looking pretty good. I could handle two. I would panic if there were three. I don't even want to THINK about there being more than that.

My Sweetie is VERY leary on telling anyone anything at this point. Mostly because it is SO early and you just don't know what could happen. So we are being cautious. We did tell the parents just because they knew the treatments we had been going through. I left them two balloons and this...




My mom called to congratulate me on Thursday. But when she called my MIL was here and she hadn't been home to find her surprise yet. So I told my mom I'd call her back later. Then I realized that I hadn't told her that we weren't telling anyone else yet. So I snuck in a quick phone call to tell her to keep it quiet for the time being since it was so early.

"Oops! I just told your brother!"

"UGH! Ok, don't tell anyone else."

When my MIL left I called my mom back again and filled her in on my blood work and what was next. Then I told her to not be surprised if it was twins.

"WHAT does THAT mean!?!?!"

**BEEP**

"Gotta go mom. That's my other line and it's probably my MIL."

**CLICK**

It was my MIL and as soon as she said hello I laughed!!! It was just so funny that we'd spent the past hour canning pickles together and she didn't know!!

Our best friends know too. Sadly she had to read my blog to find out. Which is not the way I wanted to tell her but I needed the parents to know first and we were just very leary on telling too many people because of how early it is. I think she understood and still loves me!

I'm not sure how much it has sunk in yet. I still don't really feel pregnant. I feel a little bloated but that's about it. I think after I hear how my numbers are on Monday and we see the heartbeat(s) I will start to feel better about this. It just still seems like a dream I supppose. Something I've been wanting and working to acheive for so long might actually finally be ours!

My Sweetie patted my tummy today and said, "Hello princesses"

It was cute. It made me smile.

The Truth has been Revealed

Wednesday afternoon My Sweetie came home with taco bell in one hand and a 3 pack of home pregnancy tests in the other. WOO-HOO for taco bell!!!

A short while after he was home we were in our room just snuggling and chatting.

"Why don't you go take a test now," he asked.

"NO!!! I am NOT taking a test now," I reply

He tries to coax me into it a little more. I explain to him that I really don't want to have to face the disappoint of a negative result. Especially since I just DON'T FEEL pregnant.

He gets up and I hear him calling my name from the bathroom.

I try to hide under the blankets. He continues to call my name.

Reluctantly, I go to him. He's sitting on the kids step stool opening the package of tests.

"Here, just take one real quick."

I BURST into tears.

"I don't want to!! I'm scared!!" I cry.

"Ok, Ok, if you really don't want to then I won't make you."

I take the test from him and take it with him sitting right there. Before it starts to do anything I put the cap on and hand it over to him. I can't bear to watch! I'm still crying.

I sit there trying to read his face. Surely I'll be able to tell by the way he reacts.

He hands me the test.

My tears of fear quickly turn into tears of JOY!

Less than 24 hours

I woke up this morning thinking, "Tomorrow I'll test"

I'm scared to death! Scared of being crushed; scared of being disappointed; scared of not being able to function enough to take care of my family. So much in fact I almost DON'T want to test. I have pickles to can tomorrow....I can't get a negative and be sad about it!!!

Today I woke up and felt a little crampy. I feared AF might be on her way. I have THREE ZITS on my face. I NEVER break out only around AF time. Not the crampy feeling has turned into more of an overall achy feeling. Stress? Nerves? Who knows.

Last night I had ANOTHER dream. I took a test and the darn lines kept appearing and disappearing and I couldn't figure out whether or not I was actually pregnant or not!!! I kept asking My Sweetie, "do you see anything? what do YOU think?"

Yesterday when I was having my little "freak out" moment I found comfort and peace to get me through the day in my bible. Maybe I need to go do some more reading today!!! I haven't done my devotions yet.....maybe that will help.

I'm hoping to go down my "to do" list for the week and cross some things off. I've been so consumed with my "what if's" and "maybe's" that I've neglected the things that I should have been doing this week FOR OTHERS!!!!! Feeling very selfish!!!

L spent the night with his Gma last night and we took M out for Chinese and a movie last night. We both slept in until 8:30 this morning!!! It's a cloudy, rainy, cool day. Maybe we'll break out some board games before L comes home.

Thank you all for you sweet comments, prayers and support. But mostly for making me feel like there are people out there actually reading my ramblings with an open heart.

Blessings...

Testing on Thursday

In the two years since My Sweetie and I have been TTC, this has been the LONGEST cycle. It's the first cycle in 17 months that I've actually had some sort of a chance to conceive. It's the first time I've ovulated in that time also. I am on pins and needles right now; the anxiety is killing me. Nurse said I could test Thursday!!!! When I woke up this morning I told myself...."just two more mornings and you'll know"

I always thought that I would just "know" that I was pregnant before testing. The other times I've been pregnant I sort of already knew. But is that all in retrospect now? I don't really feel like I have any symptoms. My boobs have been a little sore and on Sunday I found myself a little more emotional than usual. All could be PMS sypmtoms as well. The only other thing is that my nose is driving me crazy!!! My last pregnancy I had nose/sinus problems for the first 4 months and it started a couple weeks prior to a positive pregnancy test. I hope it's not "just a cold". It is summertime after all.

I had a dream last night that I took a test and it was positive. Then later I had another dream that I had a little hard "bump" and could see and feel a baby moving. I never remember my dreams.

A year ago I remember a conversation with My Sweetie about how it would be really great to give him a princess in the month of April so she could have the diamond as her birth stone. Obviously April came and went and still no baby but we did mark the 2 year anniversary of TTC. This whole time I've been doing treatment this cycle I never once stopped to think about what an edd (estimated due date) would be until the other day. I typed in the information into a due date calculator on baby center and it came back April 19th 2007; Birth sone: Diamond; give or take a few days of what would be our three year anniversary since we started TTC. What a sweet way to end the journey!

Menu Plan Monday

Monday: crescent Roll Hot dogs (yup! really gourmet!) mixed vegs. and grapes

Tuesday: Baked chicken drumsticks, smashed potatoes, cauliflower and cheese sauce

Wednesday: Eat dinner at Church

Thursday: Um, something with the ground turkey in my fridge

Friday: Fair food!!!!! Prob. pork chop sandwiches and/or walking tacos and birthday cake at my niece's party

Where's My Weather Radio!!!!!

Last night I woke up to a nice rumbling of thunder. I thought, "Ah, a nice summer time thunderstorm" I had heard My Sweetie get out of bed and go outside. I figured he was making sure that water wasn't seeping into the basement.

"Hon, looks like we're going to get a bad storm," he said.

"Really, how bad?" I asked. I have a fear of REALLY bad storms.

"Well, the power has been blown out."

I instantly JUMP out of bed and head to the kitchen to get a flashlight. I feel around in the cupboard for it and find it. Turn it on and, NO LIGHT! I frantically hit the button a few more times just to make sure.

"Hon, I already have a flashlight," My Sweetie tells me.

I trudge back into the bedroom and take it. When there is a storm or any sort of an approaching storm it is part of my CONTROLLING nature to know what is going on or coming. But without any electricity I can't turn on the TV, radio or get on the computer very easily no can I?

So I go in search of my trusty weather radio....it's battery powered!! I know just where I put it. So I take the flashlight and start looking for it. I CAN'T FIND IT!!!

Naturally now, I have to pee. Partly because of nerves, partly because I've gotten out of bed. I put a hold on my search and trudge off with flashlight in hand to the bathroom. When I'm done I head back to the bedroom.

As I walk by, THE KITCHEN DOOR OPENS!!!!

I scream....It's My Sweetie. He was watching the storm and apparently thought it would be funny to scare me in the middle of the night during a thunderstorm with no electricity!

I resume my search.

My Sweetie tells me to come to bed. He makes some comment on how the storm will be over by the time I find my weather radio.

I continue to search. I search everywhere where I think it should've/could've been and can't find it. I'm pulling all sorts of stuff out of the closet looking for it. I begin to freak out a little more because my one source of information is MISSING!! I can feel a slight panic attack coming on.

Finally, I give up and get back into bed. I prop up the pillows so that I am sitting and have the flashlight in hand and don't remove my glasses. Because it's very important to be able to see in a blackout!

I want to bring the kids downstairs so they'll be "safe". My Sweetie says no. Thoughts of racing upstairs to rescue them if the storm sirens go off run through my head.

Then I get back up and head back to the closet and dig around some more. EUREKA!!!! Mission accomplished!!!

I get it all tuned in and listen to the entire weather forecast. They don't say anything about the storm other than it's raining. They said there were 45 mph winds....explains the power outage.

I turn off the radio and set it for alarm. If something bad happens the alarm will go off and I'll know what to do.

"I want to bring my babies downstairs," I tell My Sweetie.

"They're sleeping. They're fine," he tells me.

That doesn't make me feel any better. What would make me feel better would be if my babies were downstairs SAFE! I get back into bed. I was trying so hard to remember Joy's Husband Blessings and to "hold my tongue when something is done differently than I want," and "When I am hurt by words, I will first look to the Lord, instead of my emotions"

Oh yeah!!! GOD!!!! Darn it! Here I was falling back into my old ways of wanting to CONTROL everything I didn't turn to God. So I prayed a little. I began to feel better. Then the wind picked up and I panicked again and said to my self I was just going to go up there and get them myself!!!

I jump up out of bed on a mission.

"Where are you going," My Sweetie asked.

"To get my babies!" I declared.

"They are fine, get back into bed."

Now it was either Joy or God talking to me....."listen to him." Like My Sweetie's really going to let anything bad happen to us? Never.

So I got back into bed and prayed some more. I began to feel better. The storm began to settle. I began to drift off to sleep. When I was sure the storm was finally past us I fixed my pillows, took off my glasses and settled down to sleep. Keeping the flashlight handy of course just in case one of the kids came down to use the bathroom or get a drink of water in the middle of the night.

The power was back on before we L woke up at 6:45 a.m. And it was sort of funny to see the MESS I made of my closet in search of my weather radio.

It sure was tough to get up this morning!!! I was sleepy!! Must not have had a very good nights sleep. LOL!

Warm Fuzzies

How much do we LOVE nice comments on or about our blog. I don't think I've ever had a bad comment but today I had one from Andrew who left a first time comment on my blog. To be honest, at first I was a little freaked out about a MAN reading my blog (sorry Andrew!!! I shouldn't JUDGE!! I feel blessed that you found me!) but he just left the nicest comment on my blog it just gave me a "warm fuzzie" for the day. So, Thank you Andrew!!! I look forward to reading YOUR BLOG now too!!

Ironically, in my email box today was a message fro Pajama Mama titled "The Blogging Good Blogger Days" She has given us all a mission for the next few days. It's really easy actually. Just go and visit the blogs you normally visit, maybe click around and visit some new ones and leave a nice comment. Something you like about their blog, about the way they write, about the way the touch you.

Post a similar message in YOUR blog to either mine or Pajama Mama (she said you can copy and paste hers if you give her credit!) and then you'll be able to sit back and enjoy all of the warm fuzzies in your mail box. I would think leaving warm fuzzies in others boxes should make you feel really good to!!

So go, be nice and feel good!!

Blessings.....